I spoke to L the other night and she said something that made me pause.
"I'm always the fling, never the girlfriend."
Her comment was a general comment, not directed at me, but it reminded me about things from both my long and recent
pasts that were directed at me.
About eight years ago, I briefly dated this beautiful and wealthy trust fund baby. One day she said, "Guys always treat me like the side dish. I want to be the main course. You're not going to do that to me, are you?"
For reasons that still escape me now, I told her I didn't know. After some crying and choice words from her, I found myself taking a 2AM walk home. Not the first, not the last
I also saw BJE again recently. She and I both want something, I suppose, and we get along so well but
Don't you find that the most hateful words come after the word but?
For the last four women that loved me before BJE, my but
was my insomnia - and the subsequent irritability, moodiness, arguing and general insanity.
For both BJE and me it's the choices we've made in life but
BJE's also concerned by the choices I might
make in life.
Returning to L and her comment, L asked, "What does that say about me?"
Once again, I didn't know and once again, I thought about it on a 2AM walk home.
What does that say about me?
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