Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

...you're speaking Martian?

BBQ picnic with glass of wine
 

Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL, where this really lonely dude had this affliction where he could only talk in a really sarcastic voice. Yet everything he said was in earnest.

Her: Do you wanna play?
Him: Oh puh-lease, I totally wanna play with someone like you. Like I'm so lonely...
Her: Jerk...

And yet he did. My buddy, who's not a sentimental fella, said it was poignant.

Consider this, it's said that: Communication isn't what the speaker says, it's what the listener hears.

And my weekend sucked cause...don't it feel like sometimes that everyone's speaking English and you're speaking Martian?

----------
Me: How much longer till the food's ready?
Him: (laughing) Shaddup and drink your girlie pink wine.
Me: Oh, I'm drinking it...y'watch...I'm drinking it...

OK fine, it didn't totally suck; saw a lotta old friends the past two days. Lemme give you the Zone Improvement Plan version:
  • Drive up to 10804 to have some rosé and, possibly, an entire pig.
  • Wanted to stay but had to drive to 07030 deal with some baggage.
  • Then drive to 10024 to discuss my sinful life I enjoy a bit too much. Fella stops by and I tell him to take his chances while he can.
  • Crash and then wake to walk to 10023 and mail something to 91326 fore saying goodbye to the HEI.
  • She's leaving 10001 to maybe make a go with fella around 94117. Tell her to take her chances too. She's leaving my Venn diagram after all, but she says that she'll send me an email from time to time.
  • Can't chat for long though; have to dash to 10018 to meet up with a friend for an Irish Breakfast.
  • Pat him on the back fore running down to 10010‎ to get a kiss and a cuppa joe.
  • Want to stay longer but take the bus to 10019 to get x-rayed. Lady asks me to give her the finger and then laughs when she realizes what she asked. But I do anyway.
  • Happened to be by my old law school at 10023 so walk there and sweet-talk a girlie into letting me into the school for the first time in 10 years.
  • Was a nice day so stroll up to 10024 where I meet up with WM for 20 wings and a pitcher of beer.
Saw no less than 20 people in two days but...don't it feel like sometimes that everyone's speaking English and you're speaking Martian?

Or that y'keep saying the same things over again but no one ever hears?

Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL...

Fordham Law School Atrium
 

Music: maybe I’m the broken one
YASYCTAI: Maybe y'should stop speaking Martian. But how when y'didn't have anyone to talk to for the first 19 years? (years/3 pts)
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Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Done, done


Me
: I've always been honest to you.
Her: I know it and I hate it. (pause) I'm just jealous because boys always pick me.
Me: (laughing)
Her: It's true!
Me: I know it. I know it.

While we never see each other, PCD and I still chat online. We spoke the other night cause I was too tired to type. She's thinking of starting a blog too, told her she should.

Her: You're not right for me, I know that.
Me: That's the thing about her. I think I'm right for her and she's right for me. We're appropriate for each other.
Her: I'd hate that - to appropriate for someone else.
Me: It's not a bad thing. It's hard for a boy like me to just stop, y'get used to the random nights. You know that better than most people - that it's hard to stop and say, I pick you. To be done, y'know?
Her: Are you done, done?
Me: I hope so. (pause) I really like her.
Her: (thinking) Good then. I want you to be happy.

If there's one common trait to the people I'm actually close to, it's that they're all really good people. My dad says that if you find good people in the world, you should keep them around at all costs.

He's a smart man, my dad.

This post continued here.

Music: No one ever said it would be so hard
YASYCTAI: Figure out which one of your friends are worth the effort and drop them a line. (hours/2 pts)
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Friday, September 5th, 2008

Aether Apologies

 

Her
: Why do you always get so mad when I apologize?
Me: Cause you should only ever apologize for what you do, not who you are. You should never apologize for being what you are.

People used to believe in this thing called aether, which was an unseen gas that was supposed to envelop everything in the universe. No such thing but the literary concept of it still exists.

Heartgirl went on a date not that long ago and said the guy immediately apologized for being Indian. That irritated me so much.

I'm acutely aware of people apologizing for who they are. And when you put that out into the world, into the aether, it's hard to kill it. The moment you let out a breath of, I'm not good enough because of what I am, or I'm so XXXX, it's so very dangerous. Cause you can never be tall enough, thin enough, smart enough. And you are what you believe you are.

It's subtle isn't it? The idea that you're not worthy of your three feet of space in this world. Here's the thing, you gotta be. If you're not, the world'll roll right over you. Then again...

Her: I thought you said you weren't broken.
Me: Maybe I'm just bruised.
Her: That makes me sad.
Me: Don't be. It's why I have the rum.

PCD's...gone from this blog, per her request. But she said we'd stay in each other's Venn Diagrams. I hope that's true. Cause I could never tell if her eyes were grey or blue and would like to know.

I hear Caligirl's laughter my head - wondering for a second if she's right and I'm all just hot breath and lies. I gotta believe I'm not. Gotta.

Otherwise, I know the world'll roll right over me. So I gotta believe I'm not. I just gotta.

Music: sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one
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Friday, July 18th, 2008

Talk. I'd listen


Everything here, I say to my friends in real life; it's why Jill thought I was giving her lines when I was just being myself.

One thing I tell people all the time is: drink rum. Seriously, do me a favor this weekend and one night do nuthin but pound rum. Mojitos, Captain n Coke, aged rum on the rocks with a slice of orange, whatever - just don't drink any other type of alcohol.

Drink one glass of water with a multivitamin fore you sleep and see how you feel the next day. No hangover. Plus, note that you'll feel "happy" versus "angry." Those same two chemicals I told you bout last time not only give you that nasty hangover but also make you an angry drunk.

The beauty of rum is when you go on a bender, it only lasts that night. The next day you're just as productive as you woulda been had you not been on a bender at all.

Rum. It's nature's perfect drink.

Another thing I say to people all the time is Proverbs 27:17, which goes Iron sharpens iron, so friends sharpen friends. The people you surround yourself with are your mirrors to the world. It's also why it's painful when people leave your Venn Diagram. You dull a little when they do.

Interestingly, that bible quote was in an article on relationships in the NY Times. The article notes that more marriages are killed by silence than by violence. It's harder than you might think. The talking.

Her: My thing is that I just lose interest in people. You know how when you just want someone gone and you don't even want them to say anything? Ever? I hate how that feels.
Me: (slowly) More than you know.
Her: Yes. So that's why I wanna go slowly. I'm getting ahead of myself by trying to stay behind. Does that make sense? (pause) We don't have to stop talking yet. You could talk. I'd listen.
Me: OK then, let me tell you a story...

Music: so few come and don't go
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Thursday, July 10th, 2008

Oh...cm'on!



Seriously, someone somewhere really just hates me. Hates me.

Realized as I went through records that I may be the oldest person in my entire condo building.

Still, although it's served with a big slice of lemon, at least my blue sky's back.

----------

Heartgirl dropped me a line recently. Isn't weird how the more you don't want to think about someone, the more you do?

HEI's going through some rough times but I told her that rough times are when you find out what you're made of. Rough times cut away the fat of your life to see the muscle underneath. On a related note, while we're both attracted to each other, we're solidly in friends camp for our own reasons. Hopefully we stay in each other's Venn Diagram.

BEG is off on vacation so I don't think I'll be seeing her any time soon.

Finally, PCD and I saw each other recently. In addition to being a cake decorator, she also has an anthropology degree so we've some interesting conversations.

Her: Today I made an onion - tomorrow I'm making asparagus.
Me: (laughing) You're so non sequitur.
Her: I'm totally sequitur!
Me: It's ok, I like non-sequitur.
Her: So one physical marker of an Asian is the shovel shaped incisors - the insides of your incisors are scooped.
Me: (feeling the inside of my teeth with my tongue) Well, look at that. (pause) Cm're, lemme check out yours - for purely scientific purposes, I assure you...


Music: Our hands are covered in cake But I swear we didn't have any
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Friday, June 13th, 2008

Oddities on our toes



 
Life's fulla these little oddities that keep us on our toes.

Heartgirl's elsewhere. Funny thing is that Paul and I were supposed to be in the exact same place at the exact same time. But it's too coincidental to be believable and I'm busy so Paul's there by his lonesome.

Heartgirl thinks I talk too much about my dating life. But going with the theory that all your life's problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships, it's really all I got. My work life's...complicated. I can't legally talk about mosta it. Health-wise, I either play with pointy things or roll around with men wearing tight clothes and padding.

Wait - that didn't come out right.

So...relationships.

I finally have drinks with the Blue-Eyed Girl around the way. Late in the night, she tells me she found my blog. I must change my name.

She's very cool but says that she wasn't one of the cools kids in high school. Kinda weird that all these pretty girls I meet were never one of the cool kids in high school. I think they're lying. Or all the cool kids became dorks and the dorks became...well, us.

HEI's got a guy that's sweet on her visiting from outta town soon so we meet up for dinner. We grab sushi today cause she says that whenever she grabs sushi with a guy, he exits her Venn Diagram. I tell her we gotta do it cause that's ridiculous and, besides, I'm not gonna.

I'm not gonna cause I'm so tired of everyone exiting mine.

Music: if I stay I'll be alive Then choke on words
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Friday, June 6th, 2008

Jill



 
Breaking with tradition, the Sexologist/SX's real name's Jill McDevitt. She owns a sex novelty shop called Feminique Boutique in Philadelphia.

Cut for religious discussion )

I bring this up cause Jill's being sued by the local priest; he wants to protect the children - despite her being in full compliance with local laws.

Personally, I want neither a priest nor the government protecting my children's moral constitution - when I get 'em, I'll protect them just fine, thank you. Also, it's ludicrous to have the choices of adults dictated by the possibility that a child's sensibilities may be affected. That's why we have parents. If you're in the area (or even if you're not) here's a petition.

As for Jill and me, our Venn Diagrams separated not that long ago but she dropped me a line recently and it was good to hear from her. It's always good to hear from people from your possible pasts, yeah?

Y'know, I met her on a random Saturday night a while back. Let's see what happens this Saturday night.

Music: I'm happy for you I think I'm gonna take that drive
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Monday, April 28th, 2008

Stupid Tequila / Oranges in our drinks


Me: There are three types of people in the world. Single, sorta single and not single.
Her: Which one are you?
Me: Which one do you want me to be?

Busy weekend. Here're the highlights. Friday, meet up with Pretty Jenny and her friends. We all hang out downtown where an outdoor flick's playing. Then we're off in cabs to another joint where I snap the pic below and Jenny buys rounds. Gave Tequila another chance and she screwed me. Always ends the same.

Saturday, Rain, Hazel, Paul and I hit up a few bars and The Park. Between the bartender whipping a patron with his own belt and the skinnydipping in the club, I run into the Cornell crew; a woman from way back; somea Paul's friends; and somea Gio's friends. Said it before, NYC's a small town. Eh, at least you're never bored.

Speaking of town, Caligirl's back in it and wants to get together; she's marrying someone else. But it's not the man she loves and not me either. It'd be funny if it wasn't. She found out about this blog too so I guess her story ends here.

Arrive home comfortably numb, and there's a painfully sad email sitting in my inbox that sobered me up right quick. Couldn't read it all. Guess that story ends here too. She had the most beautiful eyes.

Three stories ended this weekend, in one way or another. I'm always exiting people's Venn Diagram or vice versa. Sucks either way. Hence the Tequila. Stupid Tequila.

Rethinking pouring my life into this blog. No. 5 once asked once if I was lonely. No, I said, I have my secrets. Only got a few left.

And those I wish I didn't have. Cause they rattle 'round my brain at 5AM and keep me up. Stupid secrets.

Me: Not sure - I guess sorta single? Doesn't matter. The night is young and we have oranges in our drinks. Well, I do anyway. You've got bubbles.


Music: people in your life are seasons, And anything that happen is for a reason
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Monday, April 21st, 2008

Who pays the price?



Me: If I didn't know better, I'd think we were happy couple.
Her: (long pause) We were.

Thanks for all the well-wishes; got me through a rough day. Worked until 1AM on my birthday. S'ok cause I did a lot of living this past weekend.

SX came up from Philly to see me and I showed her my city.

Saturday night we hit up a party that my friends Paolo and Cindy threw for me. Do you remember that last scene from It's a Wonderful Life where Geroge can't believe all the people that came out for him? Sorta how I felt.

On Sunday, SX and I grab brunch around the way. Then she gets ready to go. It's terribly sad. Terribly. My self-sabotaging's pretty much train on time.

Her: It's funny, I feel like we're breaking up and we were never together. Who knew I'd find a 35 year-old womanizer appealing? (pause) I like you, Logan.
Me: I like you too.
Her: (pause) Will you write about me?
Me: I like to keep some of my private life private. (pause) Do you want me to?
Her: (long pause) Yes. I want you to write about this weekend.

Ok then.

This weekend I had a beautiful girl come visit me for my birthday and we had an absolutely amazing time. But I discovered that I'm a lousy womanizer. Cause Paul and I stick to two rules:
  1. Never lie.
  2. Always leave people better off having met you.
Causea rule one, I never know if somea these people that cross my Venn Diagram'll cross them again. Causea rule two, I tell SX that she should be with that other guy because he can be there for her and I can't - then again, I'm no one's careful consideration.

I sighed this past weekend and SX asked me what I was thinking. I just smiled and shrugged.

But what I was thinking was that, My head knows I'm doing the right thing but it's never my head that pays the price.

She picked up her bag, shut the door, and walked away.

And here I am again.

Music: There's a somebody I'm longing to see
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

Venn Diagrams


With nods to Sabatoa, I was talking to GES this past Sunday about Venn Diagrams.

I told her that I thought people walk around the world like 3D Venn Diagrams: we're all in our own little worlds. Strangers, friends, family, lovers, acquaintances - all, for better or for worse, enter into your little world, do their little bit, and then leave.

Some people stay, some go. Sometimes they do something nice. Sometimes they rob you blind and leave you wondering if there's someplace you could sell a kidney and how much you could get for it.

And sometimes they write you tell you everythings gonna be alright.

Thank you muchly for that last one.

Now...does anyone know the going rate on a kidney?

----------

Here's Fiest again (with members of the National, more on that tomorrow), playing a guitar and reminding me of those teenage hopes.

Music: Sleepless long nights That was what my youth was for
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