Got a Hello today from Roberta, the girl I sat next to on the plane years ago. She's in college now and still traveling the globe from Italy.

What an interesting world we live in.

Had a full-on zero sleep the other night. The insomina's creeping back. Wondering why, but suppose it's just the way it is with me sometimes.

Saw the rents the other day and stopped by the local Asian supermarket for cheap produce and such. Saw a lotta non-asians there; laughed to myself only cause I can hardly make heads nor tails outta anything - then again, maybe they're all Asian scholars.

Can only imagine onea them picking up say a durian and going, "Why don't I give this a shot?"

A lotta young people too bouncing around. That's cool, that they're willing to shop in a joint where the only English spoken's with an accent.

Speaking of younger people, a lotta them're convinced that all Republicans're evil and that good things'll happen if everyone's a Democrat.

Which is not to say that the Republicans haven't bungled the last several years of power, they have. And there're d-bags and hypocrites on both sidesa the fence.

But the fence's sorta my point. There needs to be conflict to make things the way they're supposedta be. Y'know what y'get when you only have one party supported by millions of fanatical young people that are absolutely certain their cause is just, their party righteous?

China. Y'get China.

Love being Chinese but I cannot stand China. The government's as thuggish and vile as y'can get.

Nietzxche once said that "Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." The key to not being a jerk is by accepting that y'might be wrong.

On that note, suppose I should really try a durian onea these days.

Music: This is how it works You're young until you're not
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Not been sleeping again and've been hitting gym. Tend to look my best when I feel my worst. 16 tabs of ibuprofen and a protein shake for lunch can't possibly be good.

Don't it sometimes feel like you're sleepwalking through life? The rain's the only thing that reminds me I'm awake.

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Went to see my dad tonight for father's day and got into a terrible argument.

We actually get along better than most fathers and sons, but still, there's a reason why children move away.

Dunno what you think of me; I'm probably shorter, geekier, and clumsier than you think I am. Or not, dunno.

Do have my moments of eloquence - just not with my father. Something about fathers turn logical, dispassionate men into yell-ey, argumentative sons.

But, if I had the composure to think of it - and the vocabulary in Chinese to say it - woulda told him this poem by Kahil Gibran:


What I actually said was more like, Lemme live my life, ok?

Do have my moments of eloquence. But only with strangers reading me on digital ink. Just not with my father, whom I love more than most anything - even the rum - but don't wanna be.

Music: they crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin
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Been thinking about names again. Y'ever notice that Susie Derkins' the only character in Calvin and Hobbes that has both a first name and a last name? Or that Charlie Brown's always referred to by his full name?

Guess it's cause, even if they didn't think so, they were somebody to someone. The things you think about when you can't sleep...

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Met Heartgirl's parents. Good people. And, unlike my my usual modus operandi, I neither broke anything nor fell down any stairs (see my 25 things from two years ago). Actually, that's not true, I did actually stumble a bit down the stairs but no one heard or saw, so don't think that counts.


Stairs - my mortal enemy. Sleep - my elusive drug.

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The insomnia's back. Been lying on my bed in that haze between awake and dreams.

Imagined I was chewing gum and it turned out to be an earplug. Imagined if I choked and died? How embarrassing - hope that someone'd cover for me.

Used to wonder if I were a main character or a bit-player. Suppose we're all a main character to someone. Man, despite the lack of sleep, starting to believe that it might almost matter.

Music: So many dreams swinging out of the blue
YASYCTAI: Turn off the computer and the TV and read a good book. (240 mins/2 pts)
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Friday was Paul's B-day so we headed down to our usual joint. Some shots, some rum, some conversation. The usual NYC twirl. Bumped into a curly-haired blond downtown and she said "Excuse you," with a big toothy smile. I smiled back politely but slipped out the door with Heartgirl by 1AM.


Spent mosta Saturday and alla Sunday by myself. Me time is always a good time. Chatted with PCD online for a bit.
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At the party, met a friend that was easing into single life as I was easing out. One minute, I'm 27 and walking outta the Harbor Hotel in Beijing to a waiting car wearing Valentino and a Speedmaster. The next minute, I'm 33 and out both a girlfriend and alla my scratch. Then the next hot minute, I'm here. Telling my secrets to reeds and strangers. And thinking of a girlie I didn't know existed before 4/7/2008.

The problem with being half-asleep alla time is that reality and dreams blur. There've been plenty of times I thought something was something, but just turned out to be a lotta nuthin. Kinda wonder if this'll all just turn out to be nuthin at all. Man...that would suck.


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It's supposed to be the coldest weather here in NYC in 15 years but I'm leaving this week for sunnier climates and'll, thankfully, miss it.

I'll write when I can.

Music: I know exactly how he feels
YASYCTAI: Get ridda mosta your jerks. Screw em. (time/3 pts)
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Think I'm sick. Not sure. But quite possibly.

It's been a really productive week. Trying to wrap up business issues before the end of the year.

For what seems to be the third year in a row, I've not been able to really enjoy my favorite time of year; from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Year's.

Wish I were clearheaded. Always cloudy cause I'm sick, I'm beat, or I'm bending time. Sometimes all three at once. Then my mind wanders.


At least 50% of the time I don't sleep, lie awake wondering. Everyone thinks I've got all this potential. But it's almost 2009. I'm another year closer to getting my ticket punched.

When I don't sleep, lie awake wondering about things that I'm afraid to put out in the aether.

Music: Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead But now it's like the night is taking sides
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Smart people're just so impressive. Ladies, don't ever dumb yourself down for a guy cause the guy you'll end up with, you won't want.

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Sheridan invited me another party this past Saturday. Nice enough crowd; attractive people, booze. Malik Yoba was there, as was my favorite type of rum, although it was $14 a glass again. Crap.

Ended up taking a ton of pics for the host and he offered for me to shoot for his website. Maybe. Sheridan and I bounced early cause I wasn't feeling all that great - did my yearly physical, got some blood drawn, found out I have tennis elbow, and had a flu shot - alla which was draining (literally and figuratively). So stayed in Saturday night even though Paul, Gio and LisaV each had parties going on.

I've not been sleeping. Dunno if it's the stress, the pain or the fact that Heartgirl's not around. So I'm reading a lot again: This week alone, I read The ABS Diet, first four chapters of Hot, Flat and Crowded, coupla articles on SEO marketing, two issues of the Economist and Fast Company, and three of Maximum Computer.

On a somewhat related note, I've decided to get down to <9% body fat, which I've not been since froshmore year college (a hundred years ago). Wish me luck.

A lotta stuff''s going on. Lemme sort it all out and get back to you.


Music: when we met Spending all of my time Tracing your silhouette
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Saw Gio tonight off Times Square. It was a networking thingy and they had some good rum. Probably not a good idea since I went fencing afterward.

The weird thing is that it was across the street from my old pad. Hadn't been there in a while. Ayn Rand wrote of NYC in The Fountainhead:

Y'know when you love someone, you'd end anyone that'd do them harm? It's like that.

Wish I could put it in my pocket and pull it out to show you Nino's where I had the best Penne with Vodka Sauce, or the Algonquin Hotel where I'd wish I had dough or the chops to sit at the Vicious Circle, or my corner on 46th and 6th Avenue, where I'd sneak a cigarette at 3AM when I couldn't sleep and wait for the sun to come up. Or my office at 1500 Broadway where I'd look out and see TRL being recorded with those freakin kids screaming.

OK, that I got a picture of.

Feel so damn nostalgic. Wanted to talk to Heartgirl about it but she was busy. S'ok, I'm hoping we have plenty of time to talk about these kinda things.

Speaking of Heartgirl, she doesn't wanna show up here. So I won't write of her anymore. Maybe she'll change her mind but don't think so. Cause she thinks that this is a blog about me being a womanizer - but that's just the marketing message.


Music: I wish I knew the time that I've taken I pray is not wasted
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Stopped by a friend's house midday in Queens cause I was around the hood but he was out so his wife and I caught up. She wants to fix me up with some of her doctor friends.

I'm not sure she knows what she's getting them into.

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Picasso's Guernica is probably one of the most famous paintings of suffering out there. Buddhism says that suffering comes from the uncontrollable. Either externally, such as in the painting, or internally, when we try to control the uncontrollable.

I believe that.

On a related note, man, I wish I could fall asleep.

Of course, there is no great tragedy without some small gain(s): I'm completely caught up on Lost and BSG, can now do all my sabre strikes with my left hand and have made a month's worth of chili.

I'm thinking of brushing up my German or teaching myself Arabic or something. I dunno. I'd rather sleep.

Lost is still surprisingly good (I can't believe they killed off ______). BSG...almost as good.

Music: The old man said to me Said don't always take life so seriously
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I'm in a 300 year old building in Passau that's been converted to apartments. The ceilings are high with wooden floors and painted on the entire far wall is a pop art portrait of a blond girl crying. Honey and Katherine are there. We'd just gotten back from Vienna. A woman I love is there too. She whispers her nonsense word into my ear and I whisper mine back. We're having an early dinner of pasta when Marvin Gaye comes on.

Honey shrieks, and jumps onto the table to dance when my girl pulls me up and says, "You too" as I laugh and follow. She smiles, turns back to me and says - (phone alarm rings, it's 5:15AM in NYC)


Fall back into bed and plot revenge against Rain. Sigh. Toss off covers. Flip on Ghosts of Goodbye and start doing situps as ghosts fade away.

Eins, zwei, drei...

For those of you that never saw these, especially my two readers that I know could use a laugh. If you like it, please forward this vid. I'm trying to convince Rain that we should do it again. Lemme know if it makes you laugh. It was the start of Lorin and Ray and 72nd to Canal.

Yes, I know the sauce was runny. We were running outta time.

I had to get to the church on time.

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I think too much. It's one of the problems with constantly being awake. That's why I'm always looking for a distraction. I've got an idea for another secret project and, like last time, I'll need your help. Details next entry. But until then, I've got to find some other way to entertain myself.

The German girlfriend was awesome in this regard because at 2AM it was her 8AM and we'd chat as she drove to work. Funny what you miss, huh? But I digress. I'm knee-deep in lawsuits, charts, spreadsheets and documents so a girlfriend is not in the cards at the moment.

However, I've got fresh strawberries in the fridge and a pot.

I think I'll make a compote.

Music: I try, I try Never gonna fall for modern love
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I gotta make payroll & rent Monday so I'll post on Tuesday. Clearly, the most logical thing would be to rob a bank.

So I'll be busy...plotting...

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If your life was a TV show, what would it be it's theme song? I got a few. But if I had to chose just one, it would be Overkill.

Like I said, the insomnia's back; I don't actually mind being alone between the sheets. I do mind the lying there awake though.

So I get up and go for a walk. I've lived here my whole life and the last several women I've seen have been from around the way. I've run into a few of them over the past several months. I got memories on every corner.

In other words, on every corner, ghosts appear and fade away.

At least there're pretty lights.

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Music: at night I worry over situations
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Today I spent most of the day in court. That's bad enough but my mind's also really cloudy cause the insomnia's back. It made a bad situation worse.

I think I might post less because I'm worried I'm gonna start sounding insane. I'm writing constantly.

I couldn't sleep at all the other night so I got up and made chili - here's the recipe with pics if you're interested.

Most nights, I'm just walking about town. The thing about my neighborhood is that there's always something to see. There's always something for the singular.

Maybe I'll fall asleep and have nice dreams tonight. That would be great.

That would be so _______ great.

Music: these words are my diary, screaming out loud
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The subway's never empty. Unless you're an insomniac. Then they're empty a hellva lot.

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I thought about some of the people I've met recently and in the not-so-distant past. For some strange reason, I also thought of a girl I dated once. It's the fall.

Part of the reason I think I liked her was because she said that every person that ever went out with her treated her like crap (I'm weird like that). When she told me that, I thought of Eponine from Les Mis.

The book's a little different from the musical. In the book, there's this one scene where she's tossed a stale piece of bread. Starving, she pounces on it like a crazed animal. The hard bread hurts her teeth but she says that she knows the bread is good because it's hard.

See, Eponine has no concept that there's such a thing as bread that's not rotten and not hard. It's all she knows.

I tried to treat the ex nicely - never did find out if she she thought I did. Random, right?

As for me, well, my friends think I'm lucky because so many people enter and exit my Venn Diagram.

I'm not sure. You see, it's all I know...

Music: through the clouds Memories come rushing up to meet me now
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People ask me all the time why I'm looking.

The pathetically honest answer is that when I'm with someone, I sleep just a little bit better. Maybe ten percent. It's enough. I do it so I can sleep ten percent better. Crazy.

It's not about sex. It's about something else - and that's a different post; but if you've read me enough, I'm sure you could guess.

You remember the last time you didn't get a good night's sleep? You look at your clock and do that mental math - if I fall asleep right now, I can get four hours sleep? Three hours. Two. Forty minutes. You remember how horrible you felt the next day?

Yeah, that's me every two weeks for 20 years.

I've avoided talking about insomnia for almost two months but here we are.

Another date today. Another pretty face. Biker. It usually takes about three dates for either the girl or me to call it quits. Goes either way.

Hazel thinks I'm luckier than most cause I meet so many people but I tell her that it just means I'm disappointed and I disappoint more frequently. I know it's crazy. I know it.

And yet I sit. I smile. I ask, So, what's your story?

Inside I hope, this time's the last time.

Music: Tell me, where is the shepherd
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I went on three dates in one day today.

Crazy, yeah? I think so.

One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly - a nice surprise. I spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).

I don't think she knows how much that meant to me.

One was random. She gave me her digits and said, It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).

I've already lost the piece of paper - of course.

The last?

It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem).

She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I'm working through a few things.

Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.

Why, look at that. The weekend's almost here.

Music: Then she said, Don't get cute
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The girl that was in the car with me politely told me that we probably wouldn't be seeing each other again. I guess almost getting your ticket punched on a second date'll do that.

That same day, I also realized I how much work I had ahead of me both with the car and with real work.

And to top it all off, I got onto the wrong train on my way to the junkyard to deal with my crashed car. I was going to waste at least an hour getting there now.

Little things, yeah. But we know that the little things mean a lot to me.

Pisser.

Then these three kids stepped into the subway car and started hitting everything around them with drumsticks.

I asked them if they would play me something. They did.

The little things almost ruined my day. Then again, a little thing saved it. The guy at the pound said I was a lucky boy. The doc said I was fine.

Later that night, I met four lovely ladies, three of whom were traveling from Sweden. The girl in the conversation above lives around the way. I also met some other people but those are stories for a different time.

I also fixed my screen.

Perhaps best of all, I slept six hours that night.

Thank God for the little things.

Music: Can music save your mortal soul

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Music: one more, you're nuts
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