Back to our regularly scheduled nonsense. Told y'about the pic above, yeah?


Ran around Chinatown today and stopped by Rain's. He and I're somewhat unique in that we both got enormous NYC pads despite, or perhaps resulting in, our never having any coin.

Now he's got dogs now running all over the joint. Not a dog person myself. Not an animal person in general - unless they're slow roasting with some lemon and salt. Kidding! (sorta)

Y'know, this book Animals Make Us Human says that all animals are wired to feel four emotions - three negative and one positive. They wanna avoid:

1. pain
2. fear; and
3. panic; but they desire
4. a goal. Any goal.

Cattle, apparently, are pretty happy cause they got all four.

Think we're the same way. Said it before, the purpose of life is to have purpose. Realized tonight that my best friend was missing having a goal and that was getting to her.

Back to Rain, we (sorta) got a new goal - pitched him another non-income producing art project along the lines of Bachelor Cooking and 72nd to Canal - and he seemed to be pretty positive about it.

Lemme piece something together and we'll see what happens.

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Also in the book is that, apparently, we never know what cats're thinking cause they don't have eyebrows.

Music: Comment faire verrai-je un jour la fin de ce calvaire
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Just saw the remake of Pelham 123 - the last scene shows someone riding the 7 train pretty much by his lonesome. The 7 train, in the early evening, is never that empty. Moreover, even when it is slightly empty, there's always a dozen or so Asian teenagers on board at any given time.

I should know, I was onea them growing up.

1 hour 14 minutes into the film, there was a single shot of an Asian for a second.

Not onea those Asian activists - in fact this may be my only post in three years that even discusses what I am and not who I am - but it does bug me when we're completely figuratively whitewashed outta of a movie.

Then again, it doesn't really matter to me. Cause film's all fantasy anywho. Reality is, we're all up in this joint.

Funny thing is, who's fantasy is it where you see onea us for only a second?

Have you met us? We're lovely.

And when you order food from us, we give you tupperware.

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Word of advice: If you find yourself low on rum, with a painful wound, a large hunting knife, several toothpicks, some gauze and alcohol, it's never rarely a good idea to do self-surgery. A conference with the Professor indicates that perhaps the wrong course of action was chosen.

I'm my own worst enemy, a danger to myself. In other news, I'll be visiting the pharmacy tomorrow. Purpose: Painkillers and antibiotics.

Said we're lovely, never said we're particularly bright. I mean, we'll stomp all over that curve but still...

Music: Too late for the young gun This is the year of the knife
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Went for a walk with my girl downtown this past weekend. Maybe that's what made me sick again. Was worth it though. There're few things in life as a walk down Central Park and Broadway on a nice day. Saw a girl in a cat costume with a hula hoop.

Been taking alla the junk I found cleaning my cellar and selling it on ebay, craigslist, you name it. Found this one dress with a price tag that said $14,000 in there and more computers than y'can shake a stick at.

Some things I remember, some things I have no idea how they got there. Story of my life, yeah?

In A Study in Scarlet, Sherlock Holmes said to Watson that the mind's like an attic - y'can only have so much crap in it before you run outta room.

Einstein echoed this when he said that, Never memorize what you can look up in books.

But I digress, point is that I'm tossing a lotta old stuff to make room for new stuff.

Still sick - my head's stuffy. But I'm trying to clear things out. Wanna unclutter my mind and suppose that starts with uncluttering everything else.

Music: Singing to my pillow, I woke up out of tune.
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Woke up this morning and fixed myself a killer filtered ground bean soup with cow-baby food. But just cause I can't go a day without it, also had some roasted mashed peas with pre-digested insect vomit and baked wet flour along with it. Big fan of insect vomit. Especially when I'm sick. Wish I had liquid from a citrus reproductive unit to go with it but no luck.

Heartgirl just boiled some water with vegetables and dissolved insect vomit cause my cold's coming back.

Stupid cold.

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Agree with Obama's assertion that the phrase, Just words, is insulting. Words're how we organize the world around us, not just to other people but to ourselves.

Was out with my girl the other day and we heard a guy just screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs in middle of Columbus Circle. And the people around him were visibly uncomfortable.

Look, sometimes few things match the situation better than expletive. And sometimes, y'gotta cut some people slack cause it's the only vocabulary they got.

But what if it's not? Cause, sometimes cursing's just cursing, and that's fine. But sometimes cursing's showing the other person how y'process the world.

And that might not be what y'want.

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Woke up this morning and fixed myself a killer cafe au lait. But just cause I can't go a day without it, also had some peanut butter and honey on a biscuit with it. Big fan of honey. Especially when I'm sick. Wish I had some lemon juice to go with it but no luck

Heartgirl just made me some tea with honey cause my cold's coming back.

Damn cold.

Music: lemme light your candle, cause mama I'm sure hard to handle
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In three years, never really discussed politics. Having said that, always considered myself a moderate conservative. Believe in small government, free markets, few social programs, meritocracies, etc.

This judge once wrote of the Chinese, "[t]heir dissimilarity in physical characteristics, in language, manners, and religions...prevent the possibility of their assimilation with our people." He hoped that "some way may be devised to prevent their further immigration."

Here's the thing though, he wrote that while striking down this law called the Pigtail Ordinance.

Why? Not cause he liked the Chinese, he hated us, but cause the law itself was unconstitutional.

It was a law that was innocent on it's face - if you went to jail you hadta get your hair cut - but clearly it was an end runaround meant to harass the Chinese and their queues. Even the authors of the bill acknowledged this.

So the judge struck it down. Cause, as much as he hated the Chinese, he respected the law. And a law that singled out one group of people - and he grudgingly admitted we were people - was unconstitutional. And thus, he had to strike it down, making him seriously unpopular in Cali.

This health care issue troubles me. The whole tenor of it bugs me. Cause people don't seem to want a fair fight.

The judge's view was this, "Despite my personal feeling, my personal hatred, I'll put that aside to do what's right for the country. If we're right - that Chinese're second class people - then we don't gotta break the law to prove it."

Course, he was wrong on that point but that's neither here nor there.

Look, if y'really have a strong point, use that. Don't make up things like death panels and resort to things like heckling.

Don't people, liberals/conservatives, just get tired of just making crap up to win? Like the idiots that genuinely think 9/11 was by the Bush administration or a Jewish cabal.

It's sad when you have to point to a racist and say, "Even this $@#$@ guy..."

It's a sad state of affairs, is what I'm trying to say.

Music: I'll soon be back again That's what I said in China
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For those of you that speak geek: Spent the last 96 hours figuring out why I only got three clear QAM channels - turns out a weak signal and a kinked coax'll waste four daysa your life.

Picked up a signal amplifier, and some new cable and now I'm in business.

Knee-deep in cables, chili and rum. It's the only way for a geek to spend Labor Day

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( Speaking of speaking in a foreign language, Federico Fellini once said that... )

Music: Pour rentrer dans les soirées célib à 30 ans
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Obviously I'm a history nerd in addition to being a tech one. It's the truest expression of egalitarianism, cause people do the same thing over and over regardless of race, creed or religion.

People're people, world around. And people're not sane, world around.

People think that Asia didn't have guns way back then. They did. The Japanese has it as far back as the 16th Century but they pretty much banned it around the 17th century. Which woulda been great except fast forward to March 31, 1854, when Matthew Perry (not that Matthew Perry) sailed into Japan with a crapton of guns.

Last Thursday, the Hiroshima mayor backed Obama's call to get ridda all nuclear bombs by 2020. Which would be great if everyone was sane. They're not.

Scarier is that these not sane people find each other and toss their not sane ideas back and forth. 1970's Cambodia, 1930's Germany, Saudi Arabia, North Korea - these're whole countries with people not operating with a full deck at the helm.

Look I'm a pacifist. But the problem with most people is that they think, "Well, I wouldn't do that." That's a dangerous thing to think. Cause most people don't do what you'd do - they do what they'd do.

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Finally feels like August in the big city; I need a slip-n-slide like below.
Cannot wait for the fall...



Music: Callin all nations To put it on the line
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Since I'm probably older than you, two random thinks I've learned:

• Y'don't know if that terrible thing you're going through is putting onto a better path. It's the rough times I told you about. So wait.
• When y'get to be 36, you wanna strangle your 25, 20 and 15 year-old selves alla time for being such an idiot/jerk/drinker/whore/sap/etc.

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Had a condo board meeting today. Tried several times to resign as president. Nope. It's like being in the mafia. Damn that Asian work ethic...

Music: I was following though with my beautiful plans
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Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL, where this really lonely dude had this affliction where he could only talk in a really sarcastic voice. Yet everything he said was in earnest.


And yet he did. My buddy, who's not a sentimental fella, said it was poignant.

Consider this, it's said that: Communication isn't what the speaker says, it's what the listener hears.

And my weekend sucked cause...don't it feel like sometimes that everyone's speaking English and you're speaking Martian?

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OK fine, it didn't totally suck; saw a lotta old friends the past two days. Lemme give you the Zone Improvement Plan version:

• Drive up to 10804 to have some rosé and, possibly, an entire pig.
• Wanted to stay but had to drive to 07030 deal with some baggage.
• Then drive to 10024 to discuss my sinful life I enjoy a bit too much. Fella stops by and I tell him to take his chances while he can.
• Crash and then wake to walk to 10023 and mail something to 91326 fore saying goodbye to the HEI.
• She's leaving 10001 to maybe make a go with fella around 94117. Tell her to take her chances too. She's leaving my Venn diagram after all, but she says that she'll send me an email from time to time.
• Can't chat for long though; have to dash to 10018 to meet up with a friend for an Irish Breakfast.
• Pat him on the back fore running down to 10010‎ to get a kiss and a cuppa joe.
• Want to stay longer but take the bus to 10019 to get x-rayed. Lady asks me to give her the finger and then laughs when she realizes what she asked. But I do anyway.
• Happened to be by my old law school at 10023 so walk there and sweet-talk a girlie into letting me into the school for the first time in 10 years.
• Was a nice day so stroll up to 10024 where I meet up with WM for 20 wings and a pitcher of beer.

Saw no less than 20 people in two days but...don't it feel like sometimes that everyone's speaking English and you're speaking Martian?

Or that y'keep saying the same things over again but no one ever hears?

Buddy once told me this story once, maybe it was on SNL...


Music: maybe I’m the broken one
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Had dinner at the Telephone Bar the other night before catching Paul for a party at the same place as this entry. Same people, same discussions, worse weather but good all around.

Spent mosta the night trying to pick up this one girlie Paul mentioned he found attractive; that is until he saw her up close and decided wasn't his type. Oh well, at least it kept me busy.

The next day I had myself brunch around the way at a joint called Nonna where I had real corned beef hash; like not from a can.

It's these little things that make my day.

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Been working on the manuscript again; this's now year seven. Should really just finish it now that I got the time.

Y'ever pick up something you wrote before and think, What the hell was I thinking when I wrote that? Literally, every single year I work on it, have that same thought.

Speaking of older stuff, my mom somehow found Bachelor Cooking, which I think is the best thing Rain and I've done together. Maybe we should dust it off again. Cept we can't stand working with each other.

In close to three years of writing On (or close) to Schedule, never mentioned why I don't curse or why I'm deliberately vague. It's cause I assume that my mom'll, or someone from RL'll find it.

It's made me a better writer, I think.

Pound-for-pound, the funniest comedian out there is Brian Regan. And he's beyond clean. And the pinnacle of television comedy, IMHO, is The Contest; which is both completely filthy and completely clean at the same time.

That's really hard.

Don't get my wrong, my manuscript's nuthin like this blog; it's pretty salty. But alla this stuff I put up online, put up knowing that online stuff's forever.

This blog coulda easily gone the way of a sleezy, douchey, caricature. Instead, went the way of a clumsy nerd who ends up looking like an idiot as much as he doesn't.

Realized also, wasn't so much offended by raunchy, filthy, foul-mouthed posts, myspace/twitter musings and blogs - was just kinda bored by it.

Started wearing white again after bout 15 years of not. Cause, being as clumsy as I am, it's near impossible to keep something clean. But, for me, it's just better that way.

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Let's play a game; finish this sentence and then I'll see you on the other side of this quick post:

The purpose of life is ______________.

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Got an email the other day from out of the blue from someone I dated.


Also got an email and $40 from 0utre cause I sent her slim coin for a paring knife a few years back when I had some spare scratch.


Finally, someone else wrote me and said,

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Everyone finishes that sentence differently. Here's the thing - how you finish that sentence shapes how you live your life (or vice versa).

Consider how differently these guys live their lives:

• The purpose of life is to have a good time.
• The purpose of life to become closer to God.
• The purpose of life is to raise good members of society.
• The purpose of life it to get what you can, when you can.
• The purpose of life is to live for the moment.

My answer?

Well, suppose that's a post for another time. Do wanna say that it was very different not that long ago when I was friends with the Devil and didn't have to unwrap my food. In fact, it was onea the above.

Which one? That too's a post for a different time, yeah?

But I wanna say thanks to the girlie I dated, Outre and my anonymous fan. Cause y'make me think that maybe I'm on the right path to fulfilling my true purpose.

Music: hold on, hold on let me get the words out before I burst
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Been dealing with this accountant who seems to know nothing about accounting. Reminds me of a conversation had with AAA a few years ago.

I'd call this accountant a *complete* idiot, but that'd give him too much credit.

----------

Met up with my friend Steele for lunch. He's getting married. Asked him if he was ok with being with one person for the resta his life.


Music: Hold Tight. Oh, she said, any way you want it.
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Went to see the musical Rock of Ages this past weekend as an escape from the rain in NYC. Was packed. Was also one of only two Asians in the whole crowd and don't think I saw a single black or Hispanic in the lot. Dunno why.

Good show.

Next night, played Monopoly for the first time in over a decade. One would think that it would be impossible to end up in jail six times in a row and nine times overall. One would be mistaken.

You and your luck, she said.

Lost a lotta hands. But won the game.

Maybe my life'll be the same, yeah?

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Just walked in the door after helping a little old lady fix her computer somewhere north of the city. Cost me three hours of my life.

But she helped me out some a little while back. Hate being in anyone's debt and I never forget a favour. As a bonus, she gave me a bowl of ravioli and a Coors Light.

Dinner of champions.

Music: I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side
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A story goes that a snake wants to cross a river. So he asks a frog to carry him across. The frog goes, Screw you. You're just gonna bite me. So the snake goes, Nah, we'll both drown if I do that. So the frog figures that makes sense.

Midway, the snake bites the frog, who goes, #@$! Why'd you do that? Now we're both gonna die.

As the snake goes under, he goes, It's in my nature. Y'knew what I was when you picked me up.

Thoughta that story this past weekend, when I told someone about the SA in Nazi Germany. Before the SS, the SA were the guys that brought Hitler to power. If the SS were the well-dressed executioners of the Nazi party, the SA were the fat, meathead brawlers.

After the Nazi party seized power, Hitler had them all killed, in the Night of the Long Knives, including onea his best friends, Ernst Roehm (who was also gay).

Thought of this again this morning on the train to have lunch with my dad and sis. Headline in the paper read, Taliban feel Pakistani Wrath. It's about how, after the Taliban blew up a Pakistani mosque, Pakistan realized these guys were a buncha sick scumbags.

To Ernst Roehm, the Pakistani government and that frog, I gotta say, Cm'on...it's in their nature - how're you surprised? You knew what they were when y'picked them up.

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Finally finished cleaning my new pad. Found a switchblade I got when I was a kid.

Always kinda surprised I made it to 36.

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Here's a pic of the Shuttle Atlantis against the sun.

Any douchebag can break stuff down. But this kinda stuff, this kinda stuff's the stuff of God.

(c) NASA
Music: Earth below us, drifting, falling, Floating weightless, calling, calling home
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A guy named Arthur Koestler once said that, The most persistent sound which reverberates through men's history is the beating of war drums.

But during WWII, he was onea the people few that kept insisting that Nazis had killed 3 million of his fellows. Took another 2.9 million to died before someone someone stopped them.

I'm against war; only a madman is for it. But someone's gotta do something about evil men.

Maybe Memorial Day isn't so much about the kids that marched to the drums so much as it's about their families who can't help but hear them pounding.


Bryson and his wife swung by the other day and brought me out to dinner. She's pregnant and he's trying to get his fourth world title in Brazil as a grappler. He's black, which is important to understand the convo below:


Spent most of the holiday days with Heartgirl walking. To the grocery store, to the pier, to the park. And at night we talked. Like we always do. Told her a bit about myself.

Not to give you back-to-back vocabulary lessons, but do y'know the difference between guilt and shame?

When I was a kid, was fat, ugly, and dorky. Then I wasn't and I became shallow, mean and vain. Then in my 30s, I was humbled.

Shame's hating what you are. Guilt's hating what you've done.

Told Heartgirl that I spent my younger years dealing with the former and the recent years dealing with the latter. Don't anymore. Not as much, anywho.

On my arm's a vaccination scar. Remember getting it. Hurt like hell and I cried like a baby (in my defense, I was a baby). Purpose of a vaccination, natch, is to trade a small pain in your youth for a better lifetime. But when you're a kid, you don't know that.

Think that that's where we're all at. The pain's what we gotta go through to become the person we're meant to be. But we don't see it until the pain's long gone. It's the forest for the trees.

Told her that sometimes, life has to break you to make you better.

She nodded, kissed me on my cheek, and told me I should go to sleep.

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I'm moving. Not far.

Music: hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers
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Two observations: (1) Got no fewer than four friends with relationships on the rocks; (2) I always get hit on more in the spring.

Think they're related: it's spring cleaning. People wanna be out and about maybe, capitalize on the weather, see what else's out there.

As for Heartgirl and me, well, last weekend was just perfect. And we both know that perfect and I don't work well together; she's still tired of hearing me talk. But I'd like to see how our story goes.

There was a time when bad things happened to you, you put on a black mourning jacket as a quiet testament to your sorrow. Nowadays, it's a lotta status updates, vitriol and poor grammar.

That's why I try to sort things out before I write about them. Waited almost a month before I told you about the theft. And three months after my initial breakup to tell you about it. Need time to make sure something's actually something and not a whole lotta nuthin. Wonder if I can still tell the diff.

Everyone's got a place where they go to sort things out. King Midas had his reeds. Lloyd Dobler had his friends.

Me? I keep thinking that I'd like to go elsewhere, and still not necessarily somewhere and tell them my story. Cause who'd believe it? But since I can't, suppose I got this here blog. Write it for me more than anyone.

But it's my birthday and I get to make a request, yeah? I don't ask for much, don't think: world peace, some soup from time-to-time, the occasional call...

My request is this: who's still reading? Yeah, I've got my stalwart group of people that comment and drop by with regularity (thanks guys) but I'm curious if it's just them.

In my head, I imagine there're people that never comment yet read me regardless.

So, just like last year and the time before: wish me a happy birthday and say something, alla you bastards that read me but never say anything.


Music: don’t know if our fate’s already sealed
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( It's hard being a Christian in the big city. )

Happy Easter for those of you that read the same book as me. For those that don't, hope the sun is sunny where you are, you've got someone hot to make out with, and there's something grand on cable for you to watch.

Actually, if you read the same book as me, I wish you the last three also.

Music: Hey, he said, grab your things, I've come to take you home.
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Went on a day trip recently with Heartgirl to a place out in the burbs. I'd gotten up in the middle of the night per my usual insomnia and made a racket looking for the bathroom door.


Another three feet in, pretty sure I'd be somewhere in Narnia telling Mr. Tumnus that I was just looking for the bathroom.

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My friends think I'm a bit paranoid cause I tape up my notebook's camera in case someone puts in a trojan that let's people video me. It's very true.

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Been chatting with my friend KC and it seems that one outta eight marriages last year came from online dating. The way I see it, it's like you got a friend named Match or whatnot that says, "Hey, I've got a girlie you might like." It's just another medium to meet someone. Onea Heartgirl's friends and I also got into a similar conversation about dating over the weekend.


S'funny. She too wondered if I spent all my time watching The Pickup Artist. The pickup is actually more a question of guts than anything else, IMHO. My feeling is that, if you're a dude and just a little less broken, a little more sober, and just slightly more interesting than the dudes around you, you'll be fine.

To be more sober, drink more water. To be slightly more interesting, say the first thing that pops into you head alla time.* As for not being broken, now that's hard...
Music: right here, right now
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Don't come, it was two years ago (whoa) - I'm not at my place and don't have a pic for this entry so I'm reposting - you can watch it at 72canal.com if you want.


Normally I never write anything political but I just gotta say this.

The problem with tossing out all these numbers like million, billion and trillion is that they all kinda sound the same - lemme put it in some perspective:

• A million seconds ago, was 11 days, 20 hours, 4 minutes and 4 seconds ago. I was still a 35-year old nobody.
• A billion seconds ago, was 31 years, 8 months, 6 days. I was a 3-year old nobody.
• A trillion seconds ago, was 31,688 years 269 days 17 hours 34 minutes 25 seconds. Nobody was anybody.

Y'know that quote from Edison? He was asked how it felt failing all those times while making the lightbulb - he replied, I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

There's this insane fear of failure. And it is very, very insane. Spending a lotta A's dough, to bail out B just seems wrong to me. Even worse, spending that much money, knowing, knowing that they're just going to spend it on themselves, as they have before, is just more insanity.

The worst part is that it keeps happening and the economy keeps getting worse.

Rough times cut away the fat of our lives to see the muscle underneath. I truly believe that. Failure and death are ugly things but ugly things are part of the natural course of the world.

I meet so many young people that think spending coin's the way to solve things. It isn't.

The world needs more people like Helen Keller who have nothing and made something of themselves and less people like Paris Hilton who have everything and make nothing of themselves.

Music: Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
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Told Koreanjohnny to read The Godfather cause he's young enough and old enough to appreciate it. Read the book before I saw the movie so I looked at it differently.

While I loved the movie, Coppola made two changes to the story that always bothered me. The first one is that line everyone tells you right before they screw you at work or business or something: "It's not personal, it's business."

But the truth of the line never made it to the movie; it happens in a conversation between Mike and his brother, Tom, who says that Mike's taking it all too personally:


Just over a year ago, I told you that we live in a Cliff's Notes society - where we think we know something, but we don't know the whole thing.

People always make excuses for screwing others over. But I like that last line: Accidents don't happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.

If they tell you otherwise, don't you believe them, don't let's anybody kid you.

Man, it's always personal to someone. That's the truth of it.

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