Paul stopped by my place the other night. There was a time when I'd spend mosta my time with him chatting about Heartgirl rather than the other way round.

He's still (kinda) living the life of a singleton - he's got his front-runner - as're lotsa my other friends. S'funny, the charm of being single's the potential to meet someone that makes you not.

This salesman named Alan Stillman was tired of being single so he started a bar to pick up girlies on 63rd Street and 1st Ave back in 1965. Dunno if it worked but kinda shows what people'll do to not be by their lonesome.

Which kinda makes me wonder why people don't explore the avenues out there to meet someone appropriate.

Like online dating - dunno why anyone's got anything against it. The actual meeting of a body makes it just as normal as anything else. Sides, how's it any more likely you're gonna meet your better half in some smoky bar?

Said it before, it's like y'got this aunt named Match or something like that, who says to you, "I know that guy/girl that y'might like." Plus, how often when you go out and about do you also get a resume of the person in front of your face?

Oh, the name of the joint that that guy Stillman started was TGI Friday's - he also started Smith & Wollensky's, the joint that HG brought me on my bday.

Y'probably aren't gonna meet someone right for you in TGI Friday's but you get my point.

Music: we the stars Steady rockin' on y'alls boulevards
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DC was nice, as always.

Went there and back via train. Neither my life nor the trains I ride run on (or close) to schedule.

The weather was amazing on Sunday so we took a walk to Lincoln and Vietnam Memorial. Turns out the reflecting pool does actually reflect - it's a mobile phone shot but y'can still see it.

Nuthin like it on a nice sunny day with the blue sky.

Went to the Vietnam Memorial for the first time. Quite something. Dunno if y'know this but Ross Perot sponsored a design competition for it and when Maya Lin, a 21 year-old Asian nobody - a gook - won it with a black slab, he and a tona others were pissed. Onea them shouldn't be building a Vietnam Memorial.

The New York Times, headlined, Insulting Vietnam Vets. Where were the statues, the flags? Looked like a tombstone.

Kinda reminds me of alla the political ruckus over everything these days. Everyone's so sure they're right; all this sound and fury signifying nuthin.

So a few meters away from the memorial that was actually built, Perot had a statue put up.

A teenage girl was talking on her cell phone when I went to visit and about a third of the way in, think she finally realized what she was reading, hung up her phone, and quietly walked the resta the way.

Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, all the critics did similar things when the actually saw the thing. Every organization that attacked Maya later apologized.

Cause Maya knew that when you put up names, a lista people kids that got themselves killed for a country that hated them, it's hard to ignore that they existed.

It's quite something.




Music: I'm down to a whisper In a daydream on a hill
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Started the day talking myself outta one parking ticket but not the other. Stupid parking/driving rules.

Heard that before Brooklyn became parta NYC in 1898, it was like the 11th largest city in the nation or somethin like that.

Gotta believe it cause I got crazy lost out there today. Ended up on Brighton Beach where every street seems to be named Brighton.

This empty parking spot came up on my left so I figured it was a sign and pulled in.

Stepped out and stood on the beach looking at the blue sky. Thought to myself that my city's really got it all. Snapped a coupla pics and slid back into my car for 90 minutes of traffic to go 19 miles. My day got better brightened after that.

Rushed home to spend my night with my girl for the first time in a while. Not exactly as I hoped.

Check that. NYC's got it all cept for reasonable driving and parking. Sides that, we got it all.


There're plentya times people think something's something, but turns out to be a whole lotta nuthin.


Music: wanna bathe you in the light of day
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Things have been pretty good these days; clients're slowly coming out of the woodwork. Been busy lately, not so must busy with coin production so much as busy with preparation for coin production.

Eh, tomayto, tomahto...

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Got no fewer than four friends that've had the SOOR (Status Of Our Relationship) talk.

Two got their walking papers, one got conditional employment, one got a permanent position - though, really, all good relationships're temp-to-perm at some point, yeah?

Think maybe that's why I was upset with onea my friends. Cause I felt like he already filled the position with some imaginary person and was just stringing the contestant along. But he says he wasn't and he's an honest fellow.

Frank Sinatra had this song I heard once where he said something like, doesn't matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee, sucks either way. Or not.

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Lost my health insurance. This means no wrestling for me for now.

Still gonna fence though - grown men stabbing each other with pointy things, what could go wrong there?

Music: been looking for something else. Duel it
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Really gotta get out more.

Speaking of getting out, and to continue from the previous post, last night, took Heartgirl to Kuma Inn where we downed some excellent Filipino food - if you're gonna go, you need reservations, then you got 90 minutes to eat. If you're going on a date, bring your own bottle of wine (no rum allowed, I'm afraid) and ask for the corner table.

She and I played hooky today and we sat in the sun for some Mexican food. Later that night, saw Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.

The real Nick and Nora were based on a old book/movie called The Thin Man. If you like how I write, consider reading some hardboiled crime drama. It's what I actually write when I'm not writing this blog.

Dunno if I ever told you that.

Been working on a novel for eight years. Really should tie that up. You'd buy a copy, yeah?


Music: minutes, it's been days, it's been all I will remember
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Went on a day trip recently with Heartgirl to a place out in the burbs. I'd gotten up in the middle of the night per my usual insomnia and made a racket looking for the bathroom door.


Another three feet in, pretty sure I'd be somewhere in Narnia telling Mr. Tumnus that I was just looking for the bathroom.

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My friends think I'm a bit paranoid cause I tape up my notebook's camera in case someone puts in a trojan that let's people video me. It's very true.

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Been chatting with my friend KC and it seems that one outta eight marriages last year came from online dating. The way I see it, it's like you got a friend named Match or whatnot that says, "Hey, I've got a girlie you might like." It's just another medium to meet someone. Onea Heartgirl's friends and I also got into a similar conversation about dating over the weekend.


S'funny. She too wondered if I spent all my time watching The Pickup Artist. The pickup is actually more a question of guts than anything else, IMHO. My feeling is that, if you're a dude and just a little less broken, a little more sober, and just slightly more interesting than the dudes around you, you'll be fine.

To be more sober, drink more water. To be slightly more interesting, say the first thing that pops into you head alla time.* As for not being broken, now that's hard...
Music: right here, right now
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Gio had his annual birthday party this past weekend. His buddy, Ron, rented out this entire club in Times Square with a top-shelf open bar and scantily clad dancers. Wish I brought my camera. Heartgirl met some old friends of mine and brought some of her own.

Two fellas were hitting on her so I took the time to sneak away and stuff my face and watch them try. Ended up talking to an old friend who's taking a break from her boyfriend because after eight years, she's still not a Mrs. but rather a Ms. She's probably one of my most attractive and sweetest friends.


Heartgirl recently saw the Sex in the City film. One of the characters is stood up at her wedding. It's funny - I always wondered who'd try to marry someone that might bail. Figured that it's something one would know beforehand, right?

Gave her a hug as Heartgirl sat down next to me and patted my hand.

I then drank enough rum to kill an elephant and stumbled home at 3, I think. But, as always, woke up without a hangover. Rum's the best.

Was trapped in my apartment into Monday due to the snowstorm.


An eyelash was on my face so she told me to blow it off her finger and make a wish, so I did.

Music: something to keep the chill From freezing our own free will
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Had a nice St. Valentine's day with a quiet dinner. And Heartgirl demolishing me in Big Brain Academy.

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A neighbor's bumped into me and several women I've dated. It's a running joke between us. Ran into her again over the weekend and I told her about Heartgirl.


S'funny cause alla my college friends knew me as the serial monogamist. Friday, saw an old buddy that only knew me as the computer guy with all the suits yet another friend says he's never seen me in anything but tee-shirts and jeans.

A guy I tangled with was surprised I had a college degree. A girl I tangoed with was surprised I had my quiet nights.

S'funny what people think we are and what we think we are. Me? I think I'm just a recovering dork that doesn't mind so much any more - see below for proof.

BTW, since I'm not dating wildly any more, read my friend Trix's blog for a woman's perspective in NYC dating: Friday I'm in Love.


Music: You can never get enough Enough of this stuff
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Buddy of mine recently got his relationship walking papers - he was anxious bout getting dumped and then anxious bout dating again. Get dumped once or twice, it rocks you. Get and give walking papers a dozen times a month, doesn't matter as much. Ask for a number twice a year and there's an anxiety attached to it. Ask for a number four days a week, for a year, and it becomes a whole lotta nuthin.

Well, nuthin and a stack of paper scraps with funny little drawings on them.

You've seen street beef before, right? Two guys all up in each other's grill? Lots of show and puffery. But the guys that truly know how to tangle don't do that. They either walk away or shrug and swing.

The closest I got to street beef recently was maybe five years ago? I said, OK, let's go. Then he flinched. Wimp. So I rolled my eyes and rolled home. Not that I can actually fight, mind you.

This past weekend, was with some of the best submission guys in the city. Yeah, there were some meatheads but these guys were mostly pretty polite. When you got a room fulla well-trained brawlers, you sorta gotta be polite. Saw this one kid just a few pounds heavier than me just demolished a guy that outweighed him by 60 pounds and a foot of height. So impressed.

These guys're prepared.

I've not been sleeping well again. Guess I got my own fear of the hypothetical. Was prepared for slowdowns; up until I got jacked. So I've been sending out the resume and calling up old contacts to prepare all over again.

Man, isn't it always the punch you don't see coming that gets you?

Music: me ready for dem but dem no ready for me
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While we never see each other, PCD and I still chat online. We spoke the other night cause I was too tired to type. She's thinking of starting a blog too, told her she should.
If there's one common trait to the people I'm actually close to, it's that they're all really good people. My dad says that if you find good people in the world, you should keep them around at all costs.

He's a smart man, my dad.

This post continued here.

Music: No one ever said it would be so hard
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Saw Gio tonight off Times Square. It was a networking thingy and they had some good rum. Probably not a good idea since I went fencing afterward.

The weird thing is that it was across the street from my old pad. Hadn't been there in a while. Ayn Rand wrote of NYC in The Fountainhead:

Y'know when you love someone, you'd end anyone that'd do them harm? It's like that.

Wish I could put it in my pocket and pull it out to show you Nino's where I had the best Penne with Vodka Sauce, or the Algonquin Hotel where I'd wish I had dough or the chops to sit at the Vicious Circle, or my corner on 46th and 6th Avenue, where I'd sneak a cigarette at 3AM when I couldn't sleep and wait for the sun to come up. Or my office at 1500 Broadway where I'd look out and see TRL being recorded with those freakin kids screaming.

OK, that I got a picture of.

Feel so damn nostalgic. Wanted to talk to Heartgirl about it but she was busy. S'ok, I'm hoping we have plenty of time to talk about these kinda things.

Speaking of Heartgirl, she doesn't wanna show up here. So I won't write of her anymore. Maybe she'll change her mind but don't think so. Cause she thinks that this is a blog about me being a womanizer - but that's just the marketing message.


Music: I wish I knew the time that I've taken I pray is not wasted
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It appears that the weekend life of a reforming womanizer's pretty boring and may involve: leaving parties at 12:30, picking up women for friends, cleaning the house and eating one's weight in blueberries. Alla which are far more entertaining with a Dark 'n Stormy.

Told you before that I've done some awful things in my life. Most I can't talk about. But one thing I'm deeply ashamed of is the number of times someone gave me their heart and essentially said, Here, can you hold this for me? And take carea it, willya?

And I nod and immediately turn around, stomp the crap outta it and hand it back a wreck. It's a jerk thing to do. And I did it way too often in my 20s.

Course, someone did it to me two years ago and nuthin realigns your thinking faster than eating the stuff you make someone else eat, yeah?

That's why I keep thinking of Caligirl and if she's right. What if I really do screw everything up so I don't have to go through it again? Sir Edumond Hilary once said that, It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.

It's not easy, trying to be a better than you once were.

Music: I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
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Y'remember that client that I told you I just got, King Happy Shrimp Rice, Ltd? Just picked up a national magazine on the newsstand this week and was shocked to learn that it was named one of the best Chinese restaurants in the NY. Damn. I knew I shoulda charged more. (Yes, I changed the name slightly - I'm not insane).

Speaking of which, my ex and two of the other men she was seeing at that time are all journalists so I had the misfortune of running into them all regularly as I read my morning paper. The married dude was in the same paper. Of course. As a weird coda t'all this, got an email today from an ISP telling me that the URL I reserved for when she and I got married expired.

Eh, I'm ok with it.

Damn, I get a lotta junk mail.

Saw Heartgirl for dinner the other night. We ordered delivery and saw a flick - hooked up my computer to her plasma TV. She didn't understand why I didn't just bring a DVD till I explained to her that all my DVDs were converted to computer files. She was ill-prepared for my level of nerd. It was actually so much fun that, if I didn't know better, I'd say we were on a date. But she says we weren't so who am I to argue? I'm seeing her again this week for another non-date, date. Can't explain it cause I don't understand it myself.

Today, woke up early but got to where I needed to be late cause a charming girlie by the pier was distracting me. Of course. Got two new fencing students for some private tutoring so I rushed home to get stabbed and punched. Repeatedly.

More things happened but nuthin that'd interest you.


Music: give us the greens of summers
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In any relationship, there's always the time when you're faced with two competing, equally valid, points of view.

• On the one hand, you should never accept piss-poor behaviour.
• On the other hand, you should forgive people their screw-ups.

Friday, was supposed to see someone but she just completely flaked. Not even a text saying, Not showing up. Her explanation was that this is her reality - this is acceptable behaviour for her and her friends. Which only makes me believe more than ever that you are the company you keep. Should point out we got into what I thought was a minor disagreement but what she thought was a full on argument prior to the evening.

When we finally spoke, I was livid.

But here's the thing: after all was said and done, she pointed out one time that I showed piss-poor behaviour. And she said she forgave me.

Y'know, every night, every single one, I ask to be forgiven our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. These can't be empty words. Cause, I gotta believe you're more than just your thoughtless screw-ups. Cause, I gotta believe that I'm more than my awful things.

( Still, the weekend wasn't all bad... )

Music: I know enough to know when someone trusts you
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Onea my favorite quotes is So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. My pastor just spoke of it. Said the word earnestness in that passage comes from is the Greek word zēlos, from which we get zealous. Funny, right? Earnestness and zeal are related. In other words, honesty and passion are related.

I submit that we love sports causea that passion. Champions fight with every fiber in their body for what they want. Step into a ring distracted and you get your block knocked off. And I'm no longer distracted. I know if I'm the button, needle or thread again. It's such a relief.

Y'know, Heartgirl once said we'd never get along cause I'm dispassionate about certain people and things. But, I'm only dispassionate when faced with the lukewarm. If you look at the quote, lukewarm is nauseating - even to God.

I'm tired of feeling lukewarm about everything. I wanna be hot or cold again.

And y'meet so much lukewarm in the big city. The random boring conversations in the random blue nights. Whaddya do? Whodoyaknow? Blah, blah, blah. Man, just keep your lukewarm to yourself. Gimme some hated or love. Some passion, some zeal. Something. Hate me? Then wind up and swing. Want me? Then throw me down. Don't talk me to death.

Fall's around the corner and I feel my teeth again. I'm excited. Maybe there is a SING or a girl on the east side missing a heart. Might happen. Give it to me. Gimme some honesty and heat.

Knuckle up and swing like y'mean it. C'mon...hit me already.

Music: love me or hate me, it's still an obsession
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Had this brilliant plan about a year ago, which was to only date people in my area. For those of you new to dating: terrible idea. Cause you keep running into them. After one of several such run-ins, one girl said after a long silence, Yeah...it's not awkward hanging out with you.

Course, some run-ins are very nice. Remember the curly-haired girl? She dropped me a very personal email of condolence regarding my grandmother. Had to stop reading it halfway cause it was so honest. She was always very sweet. Also, a beautiful girl I've not seen in a decade sent me the following: Don't know why, but I'm not worried about you at all. I know very little about you but I know you'll make it again.

It's the random bits of kindness that help us through.

Speaking of which, yesterday, PCD and I took a walk around town after work. The weather was just perfect. Today, spent the day in a lawyer's office for some litigation I'm a part of. Always impressive to see people that are good at their craft at work.

As I write this a friend just dumped his bad day on me. Man! That's like the opposite of a random bit of kindness - it's a random bit of here's my crap, you deal with it. Don't want someone else's bad day - got enough of my own, dontcha think? Luckily, got my good moments too:


Thought it was a tautology but I think I'm wrong. Eh, it happens. Either way, smart girls're hot.

Speaking of which...Heartgirl's back tomorrow.

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Been busy and mixed up. Insomnia. Part of it's cause I realized two years ago today, No 6 moved out. And it's like I feel so sorry for the "me of back then" cause he was so hoping to follow through with his beautiful plans. But he's not me. Dunno if that makes sense.

I've broken up with more people in the last two weeks than most people date all year. And it's heart-wrenching. I'd much rather be the dumpee than the dumper. Much.

Lemme clarify a recent post:

• Making time is when you find a way to see someone you don't really wanna see (needle - going out)
  
• Killing time is when you see someone cause you got nuthin else to do (button - taking in)
  
• Spending time is when you see someone you wanna see (thread - pulling it together)
  

Realized that I was making time and killing time with mosta them and that's not fair to them or to me. I'm many things but cruel isn't one of them. There was one, though, that notable in something she said:


The other part's cause two people that've told me that they were killing time now want to spend time. One can't screw up something that's bound to end, ergo, I can be coldly dispassionate in these matters.

But now there's a chance that someone's hoping to spend time with me that I'm hoping to spend time with - so now it matters. Now I can screw it up. Now, I can't be dispassionate.

Ergo, insomnia.

Music: I look around my life tonight and you are gone
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Caligirl's getting married.

For my longtime readers, she was also the girl in this entry. She's everything I'm looking for in a girlie. Yet I don't love her. Least, not in the way she wants. Dunno why that is, but that's as it is.

As a kid, I remember reading about Soma in A Brave New World and wondering why anyone would wanna forget stuff. Not a kid anymore. There's no Soma in NYC. There's no River Lethe. That part I knew. But I'm also finding that there's no SING. No girl on the east side missing a heart.

There are, however, any number of fine (and not so fine) drinking establishments in the big city where they'll serve me my favorite poison on the rocks with a big slice of orange for $14 a glass.

I know cause I went to two of them Wednesday and Thursday nights with any number of girlies, some very random, some very specific. The weekend forecast looks similar. They'll have to do.

Suspect I'm not invited to the wedding.

I'm an insomniac cause I lie awake remembering. I'm so talented at it that I even remember things that never happened, people that never existed.

Music: Why so scared of romance?
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Funny thing is, sometimes y'forget why, exactly, you hate yourself but you get so used it to doing it that you keep doing it.

There's only ever conversation, music and noise. It's hard - the trying to figure out which is which.

Music: A little less conversation, a little more action please
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