DC was nice, as always.

Went there and back via train. Neither my life nor the trains I ride run on (or close) to schedule.

The weather was amazing on Sunday so we took a walk to Lincoln and Vietnam Memorial. Turns out the reflecting pool does actually reflect - it's a mobile phone shot but y'can still see it.

Nuthin like it on a nice sunny day with the blue sky.

Went to the Vietnam Memorial for the first time. Quite something. Dunno if y'know this but Ross Perot sponsored a design competition for it and when Maya Lin, a 21 year-old Asian nobody - a gook - won it with a black slab, he and a tona others were pissed. Onea them shouldn't be building a Vietnam Memorial.

The New York Times, headlined, Insulting Vietnam Vets. Where were the statues, the flags? Looked like a tombstone.

Kinda reminds me of alla the political ruckus over everything these days. Everyone's so sure they're right; all this sound and fury signifying nuthin.

So a few meters away from the memorial that was actually built, Perot had a statue put up.

A teenage girl was talking on her cell phone when I went to visit and about a third of the way in, think she finally realized what she was reading, hung up her phone, and quietly walked the resta the way.

Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, all the critics did similar things when the actually saw the thing. Every organization that attacked Maya later apologized.

Cause Maya knew that when you put up names, a lista people kids that got themselves killed for a country that hated them, it's hard to ignore that they existed.

It's quite something.




Music: I'm down to a whisper In a daydream on a hill
YASYCTAI: Have you taken a walk lately? Y'should. (60 mins/1 pt)
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Started the day talking myself outta one parking ticket but not the other. Stupid parking/driving rules.

Heard that before Brooklyn became parta NYC in 1898, it was like the 11th largest city in the nation or somethin like that.

Gotta believe it cause I got crazy lost out there today. Ended up on Brighton Beach where every street seems to be named Brighton.

This empty parking spot came up on my left so I figured it was a sign and pulled in.

Stepped out and stood on the beach looking at the blue sky. Thought to myself that my city's really got it all. Snapped a coupla pics and slid back into my car for 90 minutes of traffic to go 19 miles. My day got better brightened after that.

Rushed home to spend my night with my girl for the first time in a while. Not exactly as I hoped.

Check that. NYC's got it all cept for reasonable driving and parking. Sides that, we got it all.


There're plentya times people think something's something, but turns out to be a whole lotta nuthin.


Music: wanna bathe you in the light of day
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Spent last Friday bouncing around a farm in upstate NY in the rain. Funny thing was that the price for 3,441,240 SF farm is about the same as my 1,700 SF apartment.

Came back to hit up a birthday party for my bro at a karaoke joint. Friends, pizza, rum - what's there not to like? Afterward we went to this rooftop bar in midtown. My liver and I're on speaking terms again so took it easy.

Feel bad that I didn't have enough time to spend with my bro but was glad to see him when I could.

Told onea our close friends and favourite people that when I was 14, I was 5'3" and 185 pounds. And she told us that she had a little sister that she lost when the sis was 19. Dunno how y'make it past something like that; how do you overcome that blow?

Let's you and I never find out, yeah?

----------

I can only hope that Some day, some day, not quite so far away, the contrails in the sky match the details in my eye and I'll be who I'm meant to be.
	You see, I do believe I would be free if only these memories would leave. But then the places of my past contrast the faces of my mind. So then I think of them, and they of me.

Well

I can only hope.

----------

Just screwing around with HTML, folks.

And now, a duck goose:


Music: We stood so tall we caught a plane by the wing and held it
YASYCTAI: Get to where you're going tomorrow in a completely different way. (dunno/0.5 pts)
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Heartgirl and I went for a stroll in the lovely weather through Sheep Meadow. Realized that she's younger than a little girl that I used to tutor in English; taught that girl the word, kiosk and how to do analogies for the SATs.

Suddenly, I feel very old. And slightly pervy.

Speaking of the SATs, there's a difference between ironic and sarcastic. Irony is sarcasm without the meanness.

Lemme ask you something; since when was sarcasm perceived to equal to intelligence?

Meet so many douches these days that are 24/7 sarcastic that're actually quite stupid. But they're so very proud of their stubbornness, so smug in their assurance that they're right, that they can't see that they might be wrong. And they often are.

Look, I'm all for some sarcasm, but it's called the the lowest form of wit for a reason. Irony's clever. Sarcasm's just hoping that if you sound pissed off or certain enough, no one's gonna call you out that you don't, actually, know a damn thing.

Unfortunately, now people got Twitter, blogs, status updates, and texts to show off how little they actually know about anything in angry little sarcastic rants.

Endless waves of twitter, blogs and status updates mucked with vitriol and sarcasm doesn't make a stupid person sound intelligent; I'm afraid. Cause a tech-savvy bore is still a bore.

Apologies. Had a long day...


Music: along sheeps meadow Never know what we will see. Come take a walk with me
YASYCTAI: Unsubscribe from all the things you subscribe to that you don't actually like but keep cause you're lazy (including me, if y'gotta...) (20 mins/1 pt)
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Spent the weekend trying to clean out my cellar and not be sick. Fail on both counts.

Lived in my same apartment for over a decade. Put it this way, 10+ of the women I dated last year were 11 years old when I moved in.

Found long forgotten things: postcards, letters, tapes, cds, class notes. Goes on. Another entry, I suppose.

Managed to cut out one night to meet up with my brother, WM and Paul at a bar downtown where I ran into Sckim. Stumbled over to Heartgirl's later on that night. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next nights, saw them all again for dinner at John's Pizza. Best pizza in the city that you can get a in former cathedral off Times Square. Best. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next night, duck out to stop by Paul's. Although I had a full dinner, they had Thai leftovers that smelled great, so I inhaled those too. Afterward, went to Solas, my regular hangout. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Didn't have time to see my mom for mother's day but did see my brother before he left. We walked past a street fair with Paul to St. Marks for some 2 Brothers Pizza, which is the best tasty pizza in the city for $1 a slice. Because it's so cheap, the stuff is amazingly fresh. Five minutes after a pie is out, it's sliced up and consumed.

We also went to Mamouns for a falafel. Then we went to BBQ Chicken for some chicken and fries. Then we went back to 2 Brother's Pizza for more pizza. All within 30 minutes.

75% of the meals my bro eats when he visits is pizza cause the pizza in Cali's not the same.

He's probably landing in LA right about now. Me? Just spilled some rum all over my desk. Suppose I should clean that up.

Then back to cleaning the cellar.


Music: breathe some life into me
YASYCTAI: Clean out the storage area. Who knows what you'll find? (days/2 pts)
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My weekend started off just terrible but it improved greatly.

Said it so many times before, alla life's problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships. Y'just need one of those to be off-kilter to be bent outta shape. Well, my weekend started with all three undone. Guess all three had to do with disappointments.

What do you think is worse? Hoping and being disappointed or never hoping at all? I always go back and forth on that one.

But saw my blue sky and my girl so it got better. Plus baked a pan of lasagna and how bad can life really be with a fresh, hot pan of lasagna?

This week, gonna be 1/3 of the way through to getting my mouth repaired. And I'm trying to land this client. So maybe I can get the other two straightened out.

Even if I don't, suppose the trying is worth something. Heartgirl doesn't think I'm optimistic but I think I am. I'm, thankfully, stupid like that.


Music: Maybe the only choice we've ever got is how to take the fall
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It's 20090125. My vacation's over. Got some rest. Happy Chinese New Year.


It's 20090124. Pulled into port early. Too tired and dead to walk so I hop a cab to my pad with enough rum to supply a navy. It's 22 degrees. Water Harold. Say Hi to George. They're silent but I think they missed me. 212 emails. Damn email. Wrestle. Stumble to a party at Gio's where I meet a 22 year old French girl. No lie, ask Paul. But I've the girlie I want most so smile politely and stumble home. Just before I go, see a buddy get her digits. Someone's always playing the game.

It's 20090122/23. Spend two days at sea. Which sounds like a chore but there's this German saying that goes, Gutes Gespraech kuerzt den Weg. Season 1 of Dexter doesn't hurt either.



Music: My city or mountains Stay with me
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The cool thing about the people that you're close to is the shorthand language you've got.

My brother used to sing in a bar while in med school. One song was about this singer in a bar that loved a waitress named Rachel who wanted to move to LA. The guy didn't know what to say, so he just said, if you find me one, I'd love a picture of the California sun.

For years my bro said he'd move to LA. Always joked that if he ever did, I'd want a postcard from LA. Then one day he just up and left with two suitcases and a guitar. Spur of the moment thing. Poof.

Week or so later, got a postcard with a picture of the California sun and not much else. Didn't need much else. I remember that I sat down on my striped sofa and cleared my throat. Then I cleared a place for it on my fridge.

Somewhere through the years, lost it. Stupid roommates.

S'ok though - lookee what I got today:


Music: something always comes up something always makes her stay
YASYCTAI: Send someone a nice picture. If y'got time, send me one too. (1 mins/0.5 pts)
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Worked this past weekend. Did manage to see Heartgirl for a bit - she said that I could mention her in this blog so long as it wasn't anything terribly personal. So she's back. On a related note, s'funny but about ten people unsubscribed since I stopped being single.

Heartgirl and I did have an interesting discussion about how Life works out. Year ago today I was queuing in Great Britain wondering what to do about losing all my scratch. She was doing some heavy thinking in Times Square.

She mentioned she loved Sliding Doors and In-a-Silver-Bag told me a story about a white horse. While I don't think that everything happens for a reason, I do think that whatever happens in our lives sculpt us to be who we're meant to be.

Having said that, had a terrible, terrible day. Said it before, out little lives are all just three things - health, wealth and relationships. It's like our three barns. And onea my barns are always burning.

It's hard thinking that there's some good that's gonna come outta this latest fire. Then again, realized this past weekend that, if my last major relationship didn't supernova, never woulda started this blog, had the cool parts of the past 24 months, or met any of the people that matter so much to me now.

Also, never woulda met Heartgirl. She alone's worth the price of admission.

Well, her and the rum. Mostly her.

So...hoping that this latest fire is just my way to see Selene again and an excuse to drink some red, red rum.

Music: we got to do something about where we`re going
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In any relationship, there's always the time when you're faced with two competing, equally valid, points of view.

• On the one hand, you should never accept piss-poor behaviour.
• On the other hand, you should forgive people their screw-ups.

Friday, was supposed to see someone but she just completely flaked. Not even a text saying, Not showing up. Her explanation was that this is her reality - this is acceptable behaviour for her and her friends. Which only makes me believe more than ever that you are the company you keep. Should point out we got into what I thought was a minor disagreement but what she thought was a full on argument prior to the evening.

When we finally spoke, I was livid.

But here's the thing: after all was said and done, she pointed out one time that I showed piss-poor behaviour. And she said she forgave me.

Y'know, every night, every single one, I ask to be forgiven our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. These can't be empty words. Cause, I gotta believe you're more than just your thoughtless screw-ups. Cause, I gotta believe that I'm more than my awful things.

( Still, the weekend wasn't all bad... )

Music: I know enough to know when someone trusts you
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My friend Joanne said once that dating past your 30s is like that board game Scene It. In the first part of the game, if you get something wrong, there's no penalty. In the second part, you're penalized for each wrong answer. She said that dating up to 30 is like the first part and dating past your 30s is like the second part.

Spoke to Heartgirl recently. Like HEI, she's become what I'd consider a close friend. Well, as close a friend as I guy like me has. She thinks I'm going about this wrong, the random dating and whatnot. But I've done the serial monogamy thing for 16 years. It doesn't work for me.

Without a hint of arrogance, I believe that whomever ends up with me is a lucky girlie. Cause I'm whip-smart. Given lead time to prep and the right jeans, I'm easy on the eyes. Have fairly good manners. Can cook.

Most of all, though, I'm loyal. For that girl, I can say, I'm yours. I've gotten it outta my system. 130+ dates later, I'm good to go. I choose you.

And yeah, I'm old, weird, clumsy, nerdy, insominatic - the list goes on. No lie, whenever there's money left over for rum after a mortgage payment, it's like Christmas morning.

But I know what I bring to the table. SX once asked me what entertainment I'd provide and responded, "I am the entertainment."

One should know one's value. Cause if your cup of self worth is only half full, why would anyone else see any more than that, y'know?

In other news, the woman I love the most in the world is on a plane to bury the woman she loves most in the world.

There's no harder way to travel than with a broken heart. It takes 22 hours to get from here to there. That's a long time to spend with your thoughts. If I could take that cross from her, I would.


Music: Got no place to go but there's a girl waiting for me
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Seriously, someone somewhere really just hates me. Hates me.

Realized as I went through records that I may be the oldest person in my entire condo building.

Still, although it's served with a big slice of lemon, at least my blue sky's back.

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Heartgirl dropped me a line recently. Isn't weird how the more you don't want to think about someone, the more you do?

HEI's going through some rough times but I told her that rough times are when you find out what you're made of. Rough times cut away the fat of your life to see the muscle underneath. On a related note, while we're both attracted to each other, we're solidly in friends camp for our own reasons. Hopefully we stay in each other's Venn Diagram.

BEG is off on vacation so I don't think I'll be seeing her any time soon.

Finally, PCD and I saw each other recently. In addition to being a cake decorator, she also has an anthropology degree so we've some interesting conversations.


Music: Our hands are covered in cake But I swear we didn't have any
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Had the best news tonight when I realized that I had no one to share it with. Called someone because I wanted to but she didn't pick up. Sad but not completely unexpected.

Gonna keep some more things to myself if you don't mind; let's just say, I got a tiny win today. Just a little. And that's something.

Also, my fencing instructor said I was high intermediate - just under expert, which made me all sortsa warm and fuzzy too, in a cutthroat kinda way. I also talked to L and Pretty Jenny, botha whom reminded me how nice it is to have friends that are still on your side.

Finally, I found this picture after months of looking for it. It's one of my favorites. I think that's a hawk in the NYC sky.

Hey there, blue sky. Did y'miss me?

I've missed you.

Music: don't have to wait for words I can walk away and listen to the birds
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Rang up the the Sexologist (SX) last week.



Turning 35 in two weeks. Gotta come up with 26K the same day as my birthday.

Ain't that a kick in the head?

Least my blue sky was out.

Music: since I came here, felt the joy and the fear Finding myself making every possible mistake
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Because of the craziness of various things in my personal/business life, I've not been dating at all. But, as I said yesterday, on Sunday I met up with a pretty green-eyed school teacher for a cup of coffee and we had the best time - the weather was killer and we just walked about the neighborhood. It was probably the most relaxed I'd been in while.

For a few hours at least, I forgot about my worries. I'm supposed to see her again this week.

It's funny, even in my darkest hours, I can still find ways to distract myself with utter randomness. Case in point, I was queuing in the bank the other day:


All three of us laughed and then I politely excused myself. The rest of the week sucked but I live for the weekend and these random bits of entertainment.

That and the blue sky, of course.

Music: rescue me lemme have a good time
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I could leave it all behind.

As long as I had my blue skies, I think I could deal with pretty much anything.

Music: right now we're in the sun
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OK, whaddya got for me?

Music: there's no place that I could be without you honestly
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