logan607 ([info]logan607) wrote,
2008-07-23 00:12:00
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A Tale of Two Conversations


Me: Y'ever read Tale of Two Cities? Charles and Sydney look alike and both love Lucie. But Lucie loves Sydney. Sydney's arrested and about to be killed when Charles appears and takes Sydney's place. So Charles asks, why would you do that for me? And Sydney goes, I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it for her.
Him: If I break up with her, it'll kill her.
Me: If you marry her cause you feel obligated to - that'd kill her. (pause) If you really do care about her, cut her loose. Then again, what do I know? Sometimes, you do the right thing and you hate yourself. Sometimes, you do the wrong thing and you hate yourself. After a while, you just get used to hating yourself. Hence, rum.

----------

Her: But I realize that there is something we have in common.
Me: And that is?
Her: (softly) Don't you see it? I'm seeing someone else. PCD's seeing other people, BEG's seeing someone, the accountant never wants to get married and Heartgirl's unavailable. You like the ladies you can't have. Cause it saves you from the messy things. From having to look someone in the eye and telling them that you're not the guy. (contemptuously) You're such a sad and pathetic person, Logan.
Me: (pause) You're in rare form today, Caligirl.
Her: I try, Logan. (pause) I saw that pretty blond at your birthday party and I knew you'd ____ it up. Just like you always do. You're terrible at your two rules. What are you looking for?
Me: Something I can't put inna words. What you're saying, has the ring of truth, but isn't true at all.
Her: I wonder if you really believe all the crap you say. (pause) I hope you get your heart broken. Into a million little _____ pieces. Put this conversation in your sad little blog.
Me: I'll take that under advisement.

Funny thing is, sometimes y'forget why, exactly, you hate yourself but you get so used it to doing it that you keep doing it.

There's only ever conversation, music and noise. It's hard - the trying to figure out which is which.

Music: A little less conversation, a little more action please
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Tags: dating, dialogue, discussion

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  • 19 comments

[info]aranka

July 23 2008, 05:10:36 UTC 3 years ago

Well that was harsh. But then again . . . I already told you my stance on that.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:33:53 UTC 3 years ago

Yes you did - and it was appreciated.

[info]sometimessome

July 23 2008, 05:22:48 UTC 3 years ago

You know, I live a life a lot like yours. I disappoint my parents, I lose money, I sabotage potentially good relationships, and I excel at making people frustrated with my existence. Yet I've managed to not hate myself, blame myself, or even feel the need to change much. You have to accept who you are and what you do. There's no shame in being superficial and distant. There's no shame in spending years looking for something you probably wouldn't recognize even if found. There is only shame in trying to be someone you're not to make other people like and accept you. There is only shame in being ashamed of who you are. Don't hate yourself. I think you're awesome.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:34:35 UTC 3 years ago

I like that you think I'm awesome.

I think I'm not so bad, actually, given the right haircut and lighting.

[info]benlbr

July 23 2008, 11:34:03 UTC 3 years ago

having girls turn my blog against me?

can't say it'd be a first...or a last :)

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:35:14 UTC 3 years ago

It's a brave new world.

Am contemplating changing to something else - what that is, I'm not sure.

[info]sabatoa

July 23 2008, 12:11:58 UTC 3 years ago

yikes. She slashes and cuts like a well trained killer.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:35:30 UTC 3 years ago

Your icon is how I felt yesterday.

[info]kastinkerbell

July 23 2008, 13:40:12 UTC 3 years ago

That Tale of Two Cities thing would probably have me bawling as I read it.

For what it's worth, I don't think this is a sad little blog. If this "Her" is a friend, it sounds like she may need a little break from hanging out with you. We all get frustrated with our friends and what we think they are messing up...but when "feedback" becomes contemptuous, it's time to step back a little. It's not their life that is supposedly being messed up, after all.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:36:39 UTC 3 years ago

It's a whole long story - and thank you.

She's actually on the other side of the country but she's good and distance knife throwing, it appears.

I was hoping we could be friends, she and I.

[info]veijukka

July 23 2008, 14:35:37 UTC 3 years ago

Saw this article this morning and thought of you.

I think you've got the self-loathing thing down, Logan. Whaddya like about yourself?

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:38:12 UTC 3 years ago

Well, there's a lot to self-loathe for, you see. But I do have my good points, I mean, I clean up nicely and I'm told I'm fun to make out with.

The fencing article and video made me smile. It's actually different than what I do but I love sword work of any kind. Thanks so much.

I'm glad to see you're posting more these days!

[info]unenuitblanche

July 23 2008, 16:20:36 UTC 3 years ago

The only thing I know about dating and what-not is: don't take it too seriously! Love and romance and sex and bananas can be so serious and dramatic complicated and physically/emotionally draining. I have to keep reminding myself to laugh about it - and when I do I'm always like "Why the fuck didn't I think of this earlier?".

I hope you're feeling better Logan. Sometimes when I'm being sooo social it's fun and all but then there's often a time it goes too far and someone (whether it's you or the person talking to you) says something that doesn't sit to will and causes some sort of emotional hangover or just spins your mind off track a bit.

Rambling.. sorry.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:39:20 UTC 3 years ago

You don't ramble.

I like that things are going your way - remember that these good times and bad times are always just around the corner. Just the way it goes.

[info]gargamehl

July 23 2008, 18:47:21 UTC 3 years ago

People who don't know what they are looking for love the people they can't have because the people they can't have are something people who know what they are looking for have found. Wanting people you can't have is just piggy-backing on that discovery.

But maybe some people aren't looking for anything and just go through the motions because society says they are supposed to.

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:40:11 UTC 3 years ago

I'm def. looking for something, which *I* know what it is. I just don't know how to explain it to other people.

Y'know?

[info]gargamehl

July 24 2008, 05:18:12 UTC 3 years ago

Yes. But do you know what it is or only what it isn't?

[info]in_a_silver_bag

July 23 2008, 22:09:01 UTC 3 years ago

I keep thinking she’ll find you the moment you run out of reasons why she can’t be it. (Which takes a while because you’re bright, creative and a talker.)

In the meantime, scroll down one week in your blog, read and stop this self-hate thing, please?

[info]logan607

July 24 2008, 04:41:04 UTC 3 years ago

Well, it comes up every now and then. But I have people like you to tell me to knock it off, so that's always a good thing.

I like that you think I'm a bright, creative, talker.
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