logan607 ([info]logan607) wrote,
@ 2006-12-07 12:03:00
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Current location:@2AM, missing someone I barely know
Current mood: hopeful
Current music:you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinki
Entry tags:acceptance, bible, christianity, cnet, death, faith, hope, james kim, pearl harbor

On your knees
10:34:39 AM

(c) AP Photos

2 Samuel 12:22 tells of when: David had a kid with his buddy's wife, killed said buddy, pissed off God, God took David's son.

Now here's why I like the story: David's a wreck while the kid is sick; David won't eat, won't sleep, etc. But when the kid finally dies, he picks himself up and begins to live his life again.

When asked why he was such a wreck when the kid was alive but much better when the kid dies, David goes, "When the kid was alive, there was hope that he would live - that God would be gracious to me. But He was not and I can't change what's passed. My son can't come back to me but I can go to him."

At times, Life brings you to your knees.

Those phone calls you never want to get:
  • "It's about your younger brother..."
  • "I'm sorry to have to tell you..."
  • "I thought it best that I be the one to tell you..."
I've been brought to my knees twice in my life. I'm lucky because it was only twice.

I'm dreading the next time.

I thought about this because I went to a wake yesterday. It was my second third funeral experience; sadly, I'm sure they'll be more.

Today is also the 65th and last official anniversary gathering of the Pearl Harbor veterans. And I've also been keeping up with the story of CNET editor James Kim; he wasn't there when I was there but still...

Despite all the ugliness, we move through life with a balance of hope and acceptance.

We have to.

11:50:44 AM
Music: you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
www.loganlo.com
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[info]logan607
2006-12-07 05:27 pm UTC (link)
Really? You seem young - that's a good thing. The funeral thing is not.

I just read your post on the Kim family. I was pulling for him too. I thought that he would make it.

It made me so sad because he obviously loved his family so much.

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[info]jaerik
2006-12-07 11:07 pm UTC (link)
For some bizarre reason, six people from my graduating high school class (83 total) have killed themselves in the 8 years since. I went to every one of their funerals. It was... surreal.

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[info]logan607
2006-12-08 12:27 am UTC (link)
That is one strange story. Was there any link between them? That's just sad and crazy.

You know, they asked a bunch of people that jumped off bridges and survived what their last thoughts were as they were falling and a lot of them said something like, man everything I hate about myself I can change...except this (jumping).

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[info]jaerik
2006-12-08 05:34 am UTC (link)
Nope, no link whatsoever. Some were emo back in high school, some were really popular, some were introverts, some were social butterflies. No rhyme nor reason.

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[info]veijukka
2006-12-08 03:48 am UTC (link)
Thank you for this post, the thoughts and the pictures. I've had a rough day, but the kind quickly forgotten because nothing really bad happened. Thank God for this day, and any day when I don't get those calls.

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[info]logan607
2006-12-08 06:08 am UTC (link)
I was at church the other night and I almost broke down thinking about what would happen if I got such a call. I know it's going to come (that's what being human is all about) but I dread it nonetheless.

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[info]veijukka
2006-12-08 06:22 am UTC (link)
I admit I dread it too. I dread it more now than I did even a year ago. I try not to, because I don't ever want the fear of loss to get in the way of how I feel about people or the way I feel about my life. But that fear is there, nonetheless.

Do you go to church...aside from funerals? I haven't been in a long time. I'm not really sure how I feel about church, and I'm thinking it's about time to figure it out.

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[info]logan607
2006-12-08 06:32 am UTC (link)
I was actually going to be a pastor instead of a lawyer; I have relatives that are missionaries, deacons and pastors.

I'm too much in the world to be a good pastor. I think that churchs would do a lot better if people who aren't fit to be priests and pastors, myself included, realized that.

I admit, I'm a bit too much of a fan of the female form to do the right thing all the time.

St. Augustine (a catholic) said it best, "Grant me chastity and continence...but not yet."

I hope to be a good man someday...just not yet.

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[info]veijukka
2006-12-08 06:58 am UTC (link)
Like Martin Luther in reverse. *laugh* Well, I think I like you better for it. :) I too have relatives who are pastors (or who were pastors).

It is good that you know yourself. People who are not fit to be pastors and who don't know it (or refuse to recognize it) can cause a lot of harm.

I, too, hope to be good someday, but somehow I don't think it works that way. I'm hoping for a merciful god, since certainly this prodigal daughter has been stretching the limits a little.

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[info]logan607
2006-12-08 07:13 am UTC (link)
Here's the thing (this is most likely an inappropriate forum but it's late and I'm mildly drunk) I firmly believe two things:

a) You are not a body with a soul, you are a soul that happens to have a body
b) You cannot petition the Lord for the stuff you've done wrong but that's ok because you're free and clear. It's like the guy that throws himself on a grenade for you - you don't have to do good things for his family because he already threw himself on the grenade for you. But if you're a good a decent human being, you want to do good things for his family.

There's the rub - I'm barely good and hardly decent. I would like to do good things, because I feel I'm a lucky, lucky, lucky wretch. I am just far too weak to do what I know I should. But I'm getting there, I think.

Slowly...

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[info]veijukka
2006-12-08 07:44 am UTC (link)
How on earth is the forum inappropriate? It's your journal...you get write whatever you want whenever you want and the worst the rest of us can do is flame you. ;) However, the late thing is well taken, as it's after 11 here, which puts it after two where you are.

Your points are valid, to my mind, and that's a good metaphor.

I'm not sure whether I'm getting there or not. My judgement seems to have taken quite the blow lately, and I barely know up from down sometimes. All I can do is hope...and pray.

Bedtime. More on this eventually, I hope.

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[info]acqua
2006-12-08 04:07 am UTC (link)
I didn't know Mr. Kim, but that story just makes me cry. It's so sad and so beautiful that he died trying to help his family.

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[info]logan607
2006-12-08 06:05 am UTC (link)
I think, though, that he got what he really, really wanted - which is that his family be ok. It's still tragic but that's something, I think.

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twice is too many times already
[info]divinelv
2006-12-08 06:33 am UTC (link)
I never knew what it would feel like to get a phone call like that. Until it actually happened. There are times when just the mere thought of another call like that makes me want to retreat from the world and just hide.

Your way of looking at the story of David is admirable but I still really really hate the thought of that call.

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Re: twice is too many times already
[info]logan607
2006-12-08 07:15 am UTC (link)
I totally hear you. It's a horrible thing that you don't realize how horrible until you're older. Those words I put up in the bullet points, I can't even imagine hearing them.

I feel old.

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death reminds us to cherish life...
[info]ly_ph78
2006-12-08 02:33 pm UTC (link)
You've got me reminded of the ever first "phone call" I received 3 years back of my first boyfriend's death...it was a tragedy, where i think "death" has come early to me that time:(
I was far away from HOME that time, thus I had even missed out the funeral too :(
There was no way I could book an instant flight home...sigh.

I admit I dread it awhile then move on with my life again...

I have learned that "Death will come someday, that's not the point; Death is not the fear, death is not the problem, but if you're alive in a deathlike personality, that's the problem."

I remember HIS mom did sent me a poem of Hitchcock, which I found insightful:

ASCENSION

And if I go, while you are still here...
Know that I live on vibrating to a different measure - behind a thin veil
you cannot see through....

you will not see me, so you must have faith
I wait for the time
when we can soar together again
both aware of each other
Until then, live your life to the fullest
and when you need me
Just whisper my name in your heart

...I will be there...

~ Coleen Hitchcock

Thanks for posting this journal too :)








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