logan607 ([info]logan607) wrote,
@ 2007-09-05 00:04:00
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Current location:2PM yest, 53rd and 6th Ave., eying the Halal food
Current mood: enthralled
Entry tags:533, choices, dating, discussion, single life

No Such Thing 2: Soulmate / One-itus



With nods to unenuitblanche.

Rain once wrote something brilliant maybe a decade ago called My Soulmate Sells Kumquats in Istanbul, or something. Basically, it was about the ridiculousness of the concept of a soulmate.

Fun with math:
  • There are 8.2 million people here in NYC.
  • With some 65% women, that means 5.33 million women.
  • Assume arguendo that 1% of 1% are perfect for me - the right age, look, brains, education, dietary restrictions, whatnot.
  • Ergo, there are 533 women in NYC perfect for me. Perfect. I just gotta find em.
Point is, there's no such thing as The One. That and St. Valentine's Day, was invented to sell you something - whether it be $4.50 for a piece of paper or the thought that, this person is the best I can do.

Oh please. Trust me, their stuff ain't that grand.

The only thing that changes in your relationship life is the degree of (a) effort and (b) forgiveness two people expend. That's it. It's true of any relationship - lovers, friends, family.

One-itus. It's a crock. And don't tell me I'm not a romantic - if you've read me at all you know I am.

It's lot more romantic, IMHO, that two people work on making something...work, than two people being together because they both happen like the same obscure 80s band.

The one means, you're the one I found cause I'm too lazy or scared to go up to a stranger and ask, what's your story morning glory?

1% of 1%. I assure you, there're others.

Music: I was off kilter, now I got shelter
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(33 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]sabatoa
2007-09-05 05:57 am UTC (link)
I agree to a point. My take is a bit different than most because of my religious background though.

I belive that God does have a stake in your mate. I think he knows what and who is best for you and has Plan A in mind for you. However, we're human and we have free will. So sometimes what God wants for us doesn't happen so I think that there is a Plan B, and so on.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 11:21 am UTC (link)
Interesting. I sorta believe the same thing but I think that who he wants for us is more a pool of people than an individual.

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[info]misterdoodyhead
2007-09-05 05:58 am UTC (link)
Yo dude, the halal food out there is killer. The only problem are the lines at daytime.

Also, the problem with that 1% is most likely that those 1% are taken.

It's a NY thing, I guess.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 11:21 am UTC (link)
Eh, I can work around that.

Love that halal food, brother...

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[info]turtle5485
2007-09-05 06:38 am UTC (link)
amen and amen. just don't settle for less, and i think you always know when you do.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 11:22 am UTC (link)
I think I have for a long time. Everyone suffers from one-itus at some point.

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[info]caffeineguy
2007-09-05 08:48 am UTC (link)
i think 1% of 1% is an average, a median. it depends on how you were constructed. some probably have much, much more than 1%. and some will never have more than zero.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 11:23 am UTC (link)
True - but you've seen how even the freakiest person finds somebody, yeah?

I swear, there's a demographic out there for everyone.

Unfortunately, mine appears to be young pescatarians from NJ, but that's neither here nor there...

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[info]in_a_silver_bag
2007-09-05 01:23 pm UTC (link)
Oh no, that leaves me with a total of 17.58 chances hiding around here. Considering I'm not pickier than you are, that is.

I'm just starting to find out why I never liked math.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 03:16 pm UTC (link)
First of all, that's a lot better than one.

Second of all, since you're in a smaller city, you'll have better luck finding them, I think.

Third of all, you can travel easily to other countries, whereas I gotta fly all over the place.

I think you'll be just fine.

=)

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[info]unenuitblanche
2007-09-05 01:39 pm UTC (link)
I always think it'll be a dude from Europe or something. So, if it's not limited to just people in NYC then the pool's even bigger! I'm going to send this to my mom (we're both single).

I could've stayed with the wrong guy, I would have screwed up my whole life. I think their should be some sort of relationship education for young people b/c I see so many shaking up with the wrong guys and getting preggers. I'm glad I'm free and have the chance to meet someone I can build a great relationship with.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 03:26 pm UTC (link)
You're only limited to where you're willing to travel so that just increases your pool.

I stayed with the wrong person in college and that messed me up but good - especially since she was the first one I had.

BTW, you were one of the people I was thinking about when I wrote this so I edited the entry somewhat to reflect it. Thanx!

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[info]unenuitblanche
2007-09-06 03:00 am UTC (link)
I didn't realize you linked me, and sorry for my spelling errors (it's from typing real fast - i often check LJ when i'm on my way out the door.. not a good idea). So, thanks for that, and actually I feel very honored that you were thinking of me while writing this. My mom wrote me back in response to your entry that I sent her, I'll email it to you.. I've actually talked about what you wrote w/ a girlfriend on mine tonight as well..

I really like the videos you post as well and would kind of like to do the same within my 'friends-only' peeps (though, i've kind of abandoned my LJ lately). But, I know nothing about (affordable) video cams.. hmm. Anyway, thanks for everything Logan.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-07 03:13 am UTC (link)
Sweet - every writer likes to have his/her stuff read.

The video was actually taken with my pocket camera - I think you've got the same function on your camera too. That's more than good enough for a web entry.

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[info]kastinkerbell
2007-09-05 01:43 pm UTC (link)
My husband and I both agree that we aren't together because there couldn't possibly be anybody out there in the world that would work just as well...but we found *a* one and we're going to hang tightly to it! Also, I believe in soulmates. That doesn't mean your life partner or lover...and it doesn't mean there is only ever one. I think of soulmates as the person that walks into your life and awakens something in you that you didn't know you had. I've had at least two of them in my life.



I have to quibble a little with your St. Valentine's comment. St. Valentine's day was "invented" to honor an actual Saint with that name. Obviously the secularization of the feast had turned it into a bogus retail bonanza (much like Christmas), but that doesn't mean the origins lay in that. Just sayin'

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 03:37 pm UTC (link)
How dare you disagree with me in my blog!

Kidding - you're right, in fact it was one of three people (historians are uncertain which one was being referred to when the Saint honor was bestowed).

I'm saying exactly what you mean, which is the commercial aspects of it.

I also totally agree with your soulmates comment - I think that it's all about meeting the right people at the right time.

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[info]kastinkerbell
2007-09-05 06:34 pm UTC (link)
Timing is totally key.
My husband and I would never have made it 7 years ago. We were totally different people with a lot of life and love learning to do...and a fair amount of growing up. Does that mean I was totally alone? Nope. Had a boyfriend. He was *perfect* for me...at that time with who I was then, but not any more.

So does that mean in 7 years I won't like my hubby. I guess you never can tell, but I'm pretty confident that we're on the same track, and not just ones that run side-by-side for a stretch. It's that we're committed to learning and growing and changing together..for better or worse as they say.

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[info]benlbr
2007-09-13 07:11 pm UTC (link)
it's always about the right person at the right time. i could probably say that there are 2-3 other girls that would've ended up making a fantastic match for me...but either one of us was just at a different place at a different time in our lives.

with my current fiance, the mixture came just right in terms of timing. i believe in fate, and this was the road that was laid before me. so i'm taking it :)

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[info]ml917
2007-09-05 02:27 pm UTC (link)
I don't think there's a solemate. Equal oppotunity for everyone! Love is a development, and when you Love someone, even their cons become pros.

But then again, the solemate idea is just so romantic...

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 03:37 pm UTC (link)
No, it's just a story.

Romance is all about the work involved to make something good happen.

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[info]mylai
2007-09-05 03:24 pm UTC (link)
and i will be adding to that 65% of women very soon.

but you know, i came to realize that there isn't the one a while back,
so instead of trying to find the one,
i've decided to dedicate my time to doing cool stuff.

it makes me forget about how lonely it gets sometimes.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 03:39 pm UTC (link)
Nice! You'll be coming into our world. Kewl...

Doing cool stuff is the best way to meet people and make yourself more interesting. You know, the best pickup is to be interesting.

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[info]cindye
2007-09-05 04:45 pm UTC (link)
The perfect woman for you isn't perfect - 'cause you aren't. She'll be as indecisive and wishy washy as you are, and it'll keep things exciting.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 05:13 pm UTC (link)
Can't wait!

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[info]sleeplessdallas
2007-09-05 06:14 pm UTC (link)
Perfect woman, do they exist?
Each couple that I know are together for a different reason, most of this couples have been together for at least 8 years now. So maybe the romance fades or they become realistic. One thing for sure, I don't want to go on that path. My husband and I always tell each other "I can live without you but it is better with you". I hope it will always be like that.
I think waves of love will swallow you soon. (my prediction)

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 08:31 pm UTC (link)
I like that. I also hope you're right about those waves. I'm a-waiting.

BTW, I love the new icon.

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[info]sodielectric
2007-09-05 06:23 pm UTC (link)
"It's lot more romantic, IMHO, that two people work on making something...work"

I couldn't agree with you more. I married my wife because 1) She's hot and cute 2) We work great as team. Marriage is more than just attraction or trust. It's a team of two people who do better at life when they're together. Even with the right looks, intelligence, and dietary restrictions etc., if you can't work well together, you won't get very far.

Perhaps there is more than just "the one", but working out a life together with one of "the one"s is much better than starting all over again.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 08:32 pm UTC (link)
I think all relationship need work - some more than others.

Anything else, I think, is just shallow.

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[info]girlsgirlsgirls
2007-09-05 06:44 pm UTC (link)
I'm so curious about strangers lately...

I'm noticing that most of the people I pass during the day are strangers I've never seen before and may never see again.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 08:32 pm UTC (link)
I would just find some way to say hi then.

It's not easy but it gets slightly easier as you do it.

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[info]girlsgirlsgirls
2007-09-05 08:36 pm UTC (link)
thanks for the support :/

I am getting self-consciously bad about it. but I know that I need to meet new people... and I have an idea of who I'd like to meet but not how to find them.

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[info]logan607
2007-09-05 08:46 pm UTC (link)
Take classes!

And go to church or something...

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[info]girlsgirlsgirls
2007-09-06 06:27 pm UTC (link)
there are lies, there are damned lies
and then there are statistics.

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