logan607 ([info]logan607) wrote,
@ 2008-08-20 00:12:00
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Current location:22:00 yest, UWS, getting kicked in the legs. Hard
Current mood: mixed-up
Entry tags:dating, dialogue, single life

Making Time, Killing Time or Spending Time?



Her: I don't wanna be on that list, Logan. That list of girls you run into and it's awkward and strange and then you turn and say, We had a thing and it didn't work out. (pause) And you've quite a list...

Been busy and mixed up. Insomnia. Part of it's cause I realized two years ago today, No 6 moved out. And it's like I feel so sorry for the "me of back then" cause he was so hoping to follow through with his beautiful plans. But he's not me. Dunno if that makes sense.

I've broken up with more people in the last two weeks than most people date all year. And it's heart-wrenching. I'd much rather be the dumpee than the dumper. Much.

Lemme clarify a recent post:
  • Making time is when you find a way to see someone you don't really wanna see (needle - going out)
  • Killing time is when you see someone cause you got nuthin else to do (button - taking in)
  • Spending time is when you see someone you wanna see (thread - pulling it together)
Realized that I was making time and killing time with mosta them and that's not fair to them or to me. I'm many things but cruel isn't one of them. There was one, though, that notable in something she said:

Me: You ok?
Her: (sarcastically) Please, Logan. I don't know you enough to care enough. But (pause) it's just, if you weren't going to give me a real shot, why'd you even bother? And don't be so charming. (turning away) It's not right for you to be so ____ charming and not give me a chance.

The other part's cause two people that've told me that they were killing time now want to spend time. One can't screw up something that's bound to end, ergo, I can be coldly dispassionate in these matters.

But now there's a chance that someone's hoping to spend time with me that I'm hoping to spend time with - so now it matters. Now I can screw it up. Now, I can't be dispassionate.

Ergo, insomnia.

Music: I look around my life tonight and you are gone
www.loganlo.com
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[info]aranka
2008-08-20 06:20 am UTC (link)
Well I think you're in good shape for the one you'd like to spend time with. I'd be far more likely to go for a guy who made an exception for me than one who I knew was going about with six others. Even if you flub fantastically you know you put yourself out there. In this case, no shame in trying.

And sleep is good. I'm opposite from you in that regard. I sleep most when I'm unhappy. And only need about 4 hours when I'm happy. Different manifestation I guess.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 03:57 pm UTC (link)
Sleep is wonderful - I never get enough of it.

As for the guy, I think you'd like to meet the guy who knows what's out there and decides your the one that's right for him.

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[info]aranka
2008-08-21 08:44 pm UTC (link)
Yes . . . on the condition I'm also the only one for him. But yes.

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[info]angiewavesgbye
2008-08-20 07:16 am UTC (link)
There is a particular sort of misery that accompanies the knowledge that your emotional fabric doesn't have enough thread to cover someone else.. Even if that someone else, is lovely. Sometimes, it breaks your heart by association.
I personally, have the emotional range of a tea spoon when it comes to romantic attachments, and if I could check a "left as opposed to leaving" option box- I would do it.
If you've found someone you feel a real desire to "spend time" with, don't worry about the possibility of not making a good ending.. Maybe you will, maybe you won't- either way, it will be time well spent for you both.

<3

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 03:58 pm UTC (link)
Angie, that last line is exactly right.

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[info]sarcasticserum
2008-08-20 09:35 am UTC (link)
Just curious...why would you make time to see someone you don't really want to see? If it's because you don't have anything else better to do, then it would be killing time, no? Unless it's someone who wants to see you but you don't want to see them. Then that might be a different story altogether.

Good luck with the mutual spending time person! Personally, I think it's a better use of energy to enjoy the time you spend together rather than worry about how either one of you may or may not screw it up. It's easy for me to say because I'm only looking in from the outside, but I really do hope things turn out well for you.

And sort of off topic - clicked on your link and found the fun little community you've got there. I just joined, though I don't ever claim to have "good" musical tastes, hope that's ok :p.

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[info]teardropsondays
2008-08-20 03:47 pm UTC (link)
just to chime in. making time is a way of being polite to someone who keeps bugging to see you. instead of being an asshole and making things awkward, you make time for them so they can sort of get off your back for the mean time.

although i'm not sure that's what he meant exactly, that's just what i understood from it. hope it helps!

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[info]sarcasticserum
2008-08-20 11:10 pm UTC (link)
Thanks for the input :). I can understand that too. I guess I just have a more muddled sense of making and spending time - usually, if I'm making the effort to make time, it's to spend it with someone I want to see.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 03:59 pm UTC (link)
That's exactly what I meant. You make time because if there's just a little something there, maybe you can fan that into something real. Most times though, you're just being polite.

I don't want anyone to be polite with me.

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[info]teardropsondays
2008-08-20 03:40 pm UTC (link)
this is my favorite post thus far.
i can totally relate with the making and killing time situation.
but its funny how the person who i'm killing time with seems to want to spend time with me.
i have a lot of time to kill so i can't really say i'm spending time with him. although the time killed is great.
hope things work out with the person who you want to mutually spend time with!

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 04:00 pm UTC (link)
Thanks so much for telling me that - it means a lot to me.

As for the killing time, you never know how these things will work out.

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[info]teardropsondays
2008-08-21 04:38 pm UTC (link)
thats true about killing time.
even something as casual can build to spending time and ultimately being together.
but i'm one to hope for the worse.
might or might not be a good defense mechanism.
i don't know yet.

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[info]junco513
2008-08-20 07:12 pm UTC (link)
maybe we just have different definitions for words... but wouldn't you make time for someone you want to see? i think of "making time" as when you are too busy with other stuff, but you have to carve out time to do something you want to do.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 04:01 pm UTC (link)
Perhaps - it's all just nuances, I suppose. But spending time is (to me) when you have something valuable and you pick and choose what to do with it. Making time (to me) seems more like carving out time you can't really spare because there are so many other things you have to - or want to - do.

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[info]petiteendocrine
2008-08-20 10:02 pm UTC (link)
Logan, your bullet points are exactly true.
You seem a lovely guy, and I'm glad you're not cruel. I've had some men in my life, who have been cruel to me; and have been total wankers. I still have to find the right guy.

x

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 04:10 pm UTC (link)
Lucy, I'm sorry that you've run into cruel wankers - that's just not right.

You want to meet someone that sees your value on his own, without your trying to prove it, y'know.

Here's the thing, you might not be old enough to be ready for it. I think I'm only ready for it myself recently and I'm 35. It'll happen though. It does.

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[info]petiteendocrine
2008-08-21 11:41 pm UTC (link)
Thats okay<3, yeah it isn't right at all; and one of the blokes wasn't much younger than yourself. I see what you mean.
Really? Wow. I'm glad you're finally ready for it Logan. <3

x

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[info]xblank_paper
2008-08-20 11:59 pm UTC (link)
It's so funny how heavily influenced, all of our relationships are, by time (which is nothing but a concept, essentially.)
We judge the importance of a relationship on the amount of time we're willing to put into it.


I suppose it's just human nature though...

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 04:24 pm UTC (link)
It's universal, isn't it? The amount of time we're willing to expend on a person is directly related to the value we place on them in our lives.

It's a hard formula to get one's head around.

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[info]unenuitblanche
2008-08-21 04:34 pm UTC (link)
Wow... your making, killing, and spending time clarification has just clari-slapped me in the face.

I'm that pretty, blue-eyed # that men quickly think they "know", and I make time for dates, which i suppose are more like killing time... But, it's a curiosity thing. It's full-filling a sort of curiosity I have, at the same time full-filling my spontaneose/ballsy side, and then also, full-filling a certain desire for attention.

So, am I making, killing, and spending time -- all at the same time?


Thanks for this Logan... I need to do much more spending. Of time, that is! lol

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[info]logan607
2008-08-21 08:14 pm UTC (link)
I think you're just killing time right now, which is how it should be since you're still working your way through things. Really.

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[info]unenuitblanche
2008-08-21 08:35 pm UTC (link)
Really?

Well, thanks for this Logan. Perhaps killing can lead to creating (like new friendships and opportunities).

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[info]kastinkerbell
2008-08-27 02:42 am UTC (link)
I'm rooting for PCD. :)

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(Anonymous)
2008-08-28 01:11 am UTC (link)
Test

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