logan607 ([info]logan607) wrote,
@ 2008-08-18 08:44:00
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Current location:bed
Current mood: irritated
Entry tags:dialogue, discussion

Broken and Bendy



Him: (joking) No offense Logan, but if I were a hot chick, I'd wanna be with an I-banker or doctor. Why would she pick a guy like you?
Me: (laughing) Cause I may be broke, but I'm not broken.

About six years ago, a blondie lived in my building. She was broken. Bad job, bad relationships, etc. My roomie and I tried to be nice to her but she took that to mean something else. Before we knew it, we're ducking in and out of our own home. Took about a year, a lotta drama, the sheriffs and the courts to get her out.

Fast forward to this past weekend, to this old guy, who coincidentally took the same room as the blondie. He's certain everyone and everything is against him. Tried to be friendly with him with some recent issues with his apartment but drew the line when he turned to his Chinese wife (he's Caucasian) and said, "Talk to him in his native tongue." To which I said, "I'm an American, this is my native tongue" which really bothered him for some reason. Like he was gonna stab me, bothered him. So I bounced.

The next day he calls me a queer when the owner and I try to take pics of repairs to his room. Luckily, he's not just old, bitter and crazy, he's also racist and homophobic.

Y'know when they say about a whacked out young person, Oh he'll grow outta that? That's not true at all. Young, broken people grow up to be old, broken people. It's like a bullet going on a trajectory, a degree off center from the barrel means yards from the target down the line.

As an aside, y'might not think it's much, but I'm realizing that not being broken's a HUGE selling point as a single-guy in NYC. It's better to be an old 6 and not broken than a young 9 and broken - I should know.

And as an old guy, a word of advice: don't ever think you can fix a broken person. They gotta fix themselves. It's the only way. All you can do is avoid.

On a completely different point, met another gymnast this weekend. No 6, SX, BJE, and PCD, were all of that bendy ilk. Broken is quite uncool. Bendy, however, bendy's quite cool.

Music: Now you’re broken and you don’t understand
www.loganlo.com
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[info]sabatoa
2008-08-18 02:16 pm UTC (link)
Mmmm, bendy is good.

As for that broken man, I can't help bu twonder why that woman is with him when he obviously has racial issues.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-18 03:54 pm UTC (link)
Bendy is VG.

I don't know; he was quite abusive to her verbally when I was there. Very disheartening.

I liked your Christianity entry; been meaning to comment and will shortly.

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[info]aranka
2008-08-18 06:59 pm UTC (link)
I don't know; he was quite abusive to her verbally when I was there.

Abusers are like ignoble predators. They isolate their victim, create a dependent relationship, destroy the victim's confidence . . . it goes on but he's that guy. She probably doesn't have any friends not because she's not a rocking person, but because he's screwed her up mentally in such a way that she doesn't think she deserves them/her friends can't stand the situation and can't pull her out. She probably also doesn't think she has an out. It's crazy I know but you put a person in that position and they think they'll be rejected by shelters or that the court system will take their kids or they tell themselves its not that bad. The only real way out from what I understand is to have her family or really close friends if she has any left actually kidnap her and keep her away from that jerk until she gets her humanity back.

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[info]kemidra
2008-08-18 06:25 pm UTC (link)
That was my first thought as well.

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[info]benlbr
2008-08-18 02:40 pm UTC (link)
he's a racist white guy with yellow fever.

the irony in that doesn't surprise me though.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-18 03:55 pm UTC (link)
People like that come in all shapes and flavors, it seems.

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[info]whiskeychick
2008-08-18 03:42 pm UTC (link)
"Y'know when they say about a whacked out young person, Oh he'll grow outta that? That's not true at all. Young, broken people grow up to be old, broken people. It's like a bullet going on a trajectory, a degree off center from the barrel means yards from the target down the line."

This is what so worries me about my son. See [info]miraclebean if you're interested. Not for the feint of heart.

Seems like that apartment needs some sort of negativity cleanse.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-18 03:55 pm UTC (link)
Could you send me an email please?

logan607 at hotmail dot com

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[info]girlsgirlsgirls
2008-08-18 04:09 pm UTC (link)
just need to get my feet under me.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 02:01 pm UTC (link)
I don't think you're the only one. I'd like to too.

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[info]aranka
2008-08-18 06:48 pm UTC (link)
Oh ew. God dammit man . . . the part of me that has any faith at all in your gender wants a little more than just "not broken." So naturally I always end up with the narcisists. How the hell did that guy get a wife? Oh wait . . . already answered that didn't I?

I kinda feel bad for that girl though. Some people are just too screwed up. But on the help thing, I do it too and it always gets me in trouble but every time I come back to the same thing. There's a difference between helping and being a presumptuous jerk. No matter how f-ed up someone may be who am I and who are you to pretend you're so much better than them that we can "fix" someone. And then you get into a dependent relationship, a skewed hierarchy is established, and yeah . . . you end up ducking in and out of your own home.

Finally . . . watch it dude. i find the people who bandy about the "broken" label are typically a few sandwiches short of a full picnic themselves. He's a jerk so don't deal with him. She's probably very lost but you can't just casually pull someone out of hell. It's not exactly an afternoon booze run. Y'know? You've got your own problems which doesn't mean you have to be unsympathetic its just . . . I'll Christian at you for a moment . . . don't point out the splinter in your friend's eye lest you miss the beam in your own.

(Finally, the reason I feel so bad for that girl . . . I find whenever a single guy's being nice to me he always always always has an ulterior motive. I didn't start assuming it until a few months ago but . . . i totally understand her suspicion. Cross-gender platonic relationships are hard.)

Bendy is fun. Esp. in martial arts.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:08 pm UTC (link)
You read this blog. Clearly I don't think I'm perfect. But even on my worst day, I don't turn racist. Or homophobic. Or verbally abusive to someone I supposedly love. Do you?

Because that's the difference between someone that's broken and someone having a bad day. A broken person blames everyone else for their problems. A bendy person blames themselves.

If you look at pretty much every entry in this blog save one (1) regarding my first girlfriend, two (2) regarding No 6, and one (1) regarding a racist, homophobe, every entry is me looking inward - that's four (4) out of 376 entries or 0.01063 entries where I'm saying something disparaging about someone else.

I look at you as a friend so I don't understand why you jump on every opportunity to find fault with me?

I realize that other men have been unkind to you but I'd like to point out that I've never been unkind to you.

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[info]aranka
2008-08-19 07:00 pm UTC (link)
Not trying to find fault with you. In fact in this case I really don't. What I'm apparently not very clearly saying is it doesn't fall to you to solve this problem. And honestly, trying will probably cause more problems than it solves.

In the situation you observed the maybe normal reaction is to do your damndest to fix it. But . . . you can't. It's like wondering why prisoners escape when there're guards. Guards are there maybe twelve hours? But prisoners have 24-7 to engineer their escape. There are problems that you cannot solve half-time. Believe me, my heart goes out to that woman and I want to say do whatever you can for her but the truth is, you interfere in something like that and fail even a little and her life will be even worse for quite some time. Guys like that blame their victim. So I don't think you're being arrogant, I think you're being human. But no matter how good your intentions or even how good you are, things can still go horribly wrong. And that guy is an example of how things can easily go horribly wrong. You did nothing and he went crazy on you. Yeah. I think you're far superior to him, but it takes exemplar ability and dedication to fix something like this.

If you see me as a friend please also see that however abrasive I may appear I'm simply stating what I believe is true. A lot of people get really annoyed with that, but if I didn't respect you I would be a lot kinder on one hand but tell you a lot less on the other. It gets me in trouble but I still don't think its a character flaw. I very much suscribe to the be cruel to be kind notion, but if you like, I'll back off.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:11 pm UTC (link)
BTW, I don't want you to take that as snippy as I'm not trying to make you feel bad - I honestly don't understand why.

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[info]aranka
2008-08-19 07:02 pm UTC (link)
reread my post. Yeah. its a little harsh even for me. A lot of that anger wasn't directed at you though if it makes you feel any better. I'll watch it a little more in the future.

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(Anonymous)
2008-08-18 08:13 pm UTC (link)
i think we're all broken. just to differing degrees.

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[info]so_yun
2008-08-18 08:14 pm UTC (link)
that was me.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:08 pm UTC (link)
Noted - and thank you...

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[info]houses7177
2008-08-18 08:27 pm UTC (link)
A very astute observation re: broken young people, which is why my first engagement imploded. But, it was all for the best. I'm not into fixing thing.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:10 pm UTC (link)
I spent years trying to fix things. It never works unless they wanna.

And yes, it does seem as if things do work out for the best on occasion.

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[info]sroit
2008-08-18 10:24 pm UTC (link)
don't ever think you can fix a broken person. They gotta fix themselves

Definitely more often true, than not. And they have to want to fix things...I've often found that some really broken people who complain no one will help them, don't take well to help when it's offered.

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[info]sarcasticserum
2008-08-18 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Well said.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:11 pm UTC (link)
IAWTC

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[info]sarcasticserum
2008-08-18 11:58 pm UTC (link)
And as an old guy, a word of advice: don't ever think you can fix a broken person. They gotta fix themselves.

You're not that old :p.

What you said is true...I chose my field of study because I guess I naturally want to fix people. But once I got into it, it's all about helping people "fix" themselves or mostly learn how to deal. Even then, there's only so much an outside person can do.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:12 pm UTC (link)
I feel that old sometimes. Not all the time. Sometimes. Today for example...

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[info]mary_lennox
2008-08-19 02:28 am UTC (link)
Here's to hoping that whacked out young people get a chance to change!

If I didn't believe that a little, I think I'd be very depressed...

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:13 pm UTC (link)
They get chances every day! They just have to take it on their own; my point is that you can't do it for them.

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[info]veijukka
2008-08-19 03:24 am UTC (link)
It's better to be an old 6 and not broken than a young 9 and broken - I should know.

Huh?

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:14 pm UTC (link)
Like a 10 is a perfect looking girl (or guy). I'm just saying that I'd trade a few points of looks for a few points of non-brokenness.

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[info]veijukka
2008-08-19 10:59 pm UTC (link)
Trade 'em all. It would be worth it.

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[info]angiewavesgbye
2008-08-19 06:03 am UTC (link)
What happens if you're both?
Do you get to be partially cool, if you're very flexible & damaged?

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:15 pm UTC (link)
I think there's a cosmic balance sheet where it all sorta works out in the grand scheme of things.

At least I hope so.

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[info]peeachness
2008-08-19 08:49 am UTC (link)
That was EXTREMELY rude of him to say. I personally dont know how I'd react. And being broken does suck, I know that feeling very well. And you're right, broken people have to fix themselves and about how they grow into old broken people. I promised myself to not have kids until I'm unbroken. I'm getting there!

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[info]logan607
2008-08-19 03:16 pm UTC (link)
Right?! I think the best thing to do is walk away from it. There's no reasoning with unreasonable people.

Good for you to try to work on yourself - it's never a bad thing and I'm still getting there myself.

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[info]unenuitblanche
2008-08-21 03:50 pm UTC (link)
Wow those people sounds crazy (the bad kind'a crazy, that is).

I don't want to be broken.
How can you tell someone is broken?

The past 3 years in NYC have took a toll on me though. Perhaps I'm slightly cracked? I'd hate to think so. I want to be absolutely fabulous and starlet-like (inside and out). Perhaps 'is why I escaped to LI this summer.

Maybe the new me in NYC will get to meet Mr. Lo. You can possibly give me proper analysis on all of the "self-work" i've been doing all summer. Hah.

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[info]logan607
2008-08-24 06:18 pm UTC (link)
Those people were NUTS!

I think brokenness comes from (a) the searching for something out there to complete you and (b) the blaming of things out there as to why you're not who or what you want to be.

I'm not saying be totally down on one's self, rather, be balanced and truly think, what is my role in this and what's the world's role in this.

I'll clarify that at some point in the future, I'm sure...

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[info]unenuitblanche
2008-08-21 03:58 pm UTC (link)
As the mother in "Their Eyes Were Watching God" said:

"Put me down easy, Janie. I'm a cracked plate."

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